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Attention ladies: Are you looking for a man who's not afraid to get a little sand on his tuxedo? How about a gentleman who considers himself a "refined valley dude"? Well, Video Mate has the man for you. Or had the man for you, rather, back in the day when people actually utilized video dating services instead of posting "Throbbing Cock seeks hairy vagina" (NSFW Link) ads on Craigslist. We dug up this video, and boy does it make us nostalgic for a time when total wierdos tried to not act like total weirdos when picking up women. Well, except "Fred," the guy in this video montage who is dressed like Attila the Hun. He is a total weirdo.

Dating Montage

Over the course of watching this video several times, we definitely acquired an affinity for "Steven", the burly, mulleted man at the beginning of the tape. He just seems to have that keen sense of humor and winning smile every woman is looking for. Plus, he's like, a super buff hottie. Next to dudes like "Mike" -- who is a total dick about the fact that we might be sitting in front of our TV-VCR combo smoking a cigarette -- Steven is a catch!

Other gentlemen who tickled our fancy? The dude who likes to talk to people deep into the night (whatever that means) and "Monroe", because he likes to wear bright socks and (such a bonus) he's a Cleveland Browns fan. Meow. Or the guy who proudly admits he's a twenty-five year subscriber to both Playboy and The New Yorker, as if speaking to his literary diversity makes him hot. But he does kind of look like an extra from Dallas, so we're down.

Unfortunately, this type of dating service and, inadvertently, this kind of man, are all but extinct -- and we are left to troll the creepy land of Craigslist. One last thing about thing about Craigslist's "casual encounters" section: Why or how is something considered casual when it entails "Two experienced guys seeking to submissively fuck a cum hungry slut"? "Cum hungry" hardly seems casual. But what do we know? This is when we really start to wonder where we can find our Attila the Hun "Fred" -- we really just want to LARP with him.

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.