A modest television commercial proposal for Camobooty, the Denver-based fashion craze that’s currently sweeping the nation:
Two burly hunters, STEW and LEW, are lying on the forest floor, their rifles at the ready.
LEW: Darn it, Stew, there’s somethin’ different ’bout you today. Like you got yourself a little more class. Heck, like you downright got yourself a little more sass!
STEW: Well, Lew, didn’t you notice my camo?
Lew takes a good look at Stew’s camouflaged shirt and does a double-take.
LEW: Jumpin Jehosaphat! Them’s ladies on yer shirt! Naked ladies!
STEW: That’s right, Lew. I got big-boobed Betties all up and down my long-sleeve tee and head bandanna. They’re straddling each other in every which way, and best of all, they’re in camouflaged colors so the mooses don’t see me when I put hot lead in their brain plate. (beat) I’ll tell you a secret: They’re on my boxers, too, just to keep me comp’ny, if you catch my drift.
LEW: Can I see…
LEW: Darn it, Stew! (beat) Where’d you get such hot duds, Stew?
STEW: Why, from CAMOBOOTY, of course! You can find them on them-thar Internet at www.camobooty.com, and they have a storefront they open up on special occasions at 34th and Navajo.
LEW: That’s great, Stew! But I don’t think Curley Sue’s ever gonna let me git near any of that naughty stuff with a ten-foot beanpole.
STEW: Just git her some, too! For the ladies there are Camobooty camisoles, ribs tanks with lace, even booty shorts!
LEW: (visibly excited) Booty shorts!
STEW: That’s right. And there’s four color schemes to choose from: Foxy Pine, Snowy Angels, Heartbreak Pink and Bushy Vixen.
LEW: (looking hot around the collar) Oh wow. Maybe I’ll git her some for Chanukah.
STEW: (confused and worried) Chanukah?
LEW: Just kiddin!
The two laugh.
LEW: (looking lasciviously at Stew’s head) Hey, uh, Stew, do you think I could borrow them-thar bandana and take it behind them-thar tree…
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LEW: Darn it, Stew!
CUT TO CAMOBOOTY LOGO
ANNOUNCER: Cambooty – For manly hunters who want boobs on their chest.
FINAL FADE OUT. -- Joel Warner