In contemporary Internet society, e-mail forwards should be all but obsolete. Facebook has eliminated the need to spam your friends, coworkers and nieces with chain letters, LOLCats and tacky "This is what a best friend is for" unfunny Internet poetry. But somehow, a few crappy e-mail chains full of drivel and shitty graphics manage to slip through. This week, we received "CO Barbies," (which has been going around for a while) a lower-class bashing look at what Barbie would look like if she came from different towns in Colorado.
Pueblo Barbie (pictured above) apparently "comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills). Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about."
View the full slideshow of all 11 "Colorado Barbies." Uh, what? So, all people from Pueblo are meth-making low rider owners? It isn't like we should be surprised at the lack of humor in this forward -- most forwards seem to be written by circa-1995 Internet people who went to business college. The unfunny stereotypes continue with "Grand Junction Barbie," who comes with "a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant." Woah. Not only is the Barbie stereotyped by her multiracial children, she is looked down upon for utilizing public transportation and getting her GED. We don't even want to know what anonymous forwarder assumes "Gangsta Ken" looks like. While not as blatantly racist as the previously mentioned Barbies, Del Norte Barbie comes with a Confederate flag bumper sticker -- which is, well, not funny in any kind of Colorado-centric way. Sure, we have our fair share of the white trash populace, but we're Westerners. We have bumper stickers that say "If God wasn't a Broncos fan, why are sunsets orange and blue?" We aren't hip to the confederacy. We do, however, love Looney Tunes and have a one of the highest populations of Juggalos in the country, if you wanna be a funny dick about it.
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See all the pics and the descriptions in our Colorado Barbie slide-show.