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Columbiana is this week's most ridiculous trailer

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Q: A little girl grows up to be a badass assassin with a relentless thirst for vengeance -- why? Take a few moments to think about it. Have you come up with an answer? If you guessed "because her parents were killed in front of her, then congratulations! You've seen at least one movie before in your entire life.

It's pretty well established that the old "violently-orphaned-child-grows-up-to-be-single-minded-killer" thing has been done about a billion times, so really the only way to differentiate a concept like this from its myriad predecessors is stylistically -- and make no mistake, Columbiana has style. All the style you can choke on.

The first time I watched this trailer, I was like, "alright, that actually looks pretty badass." It wasn't until the second time I watched it that I realized it was actually making me feel sick to my stomach -- for real, from the constantly shaking visuals to the weird echo on the audio, this trailer's got more delay than the world's most violent dubstep track. And it is utterly incessant. There are maybe four shots in here that aren't trembling like a schizophrenic at an abandoned carnival.

Trailers for films, of course, are generally even more stylized than the films they represent, so it's hard to say if the entire flick will be like this -- honestly, it probably won't be. Let's hope not. And while we're at it, let's observe that weird style tricks (remember that weird acid thing from The Matrix?) have a way of popping spawning legions of horrible imitators -- and hope this one doesn't.

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