Things to Do

Dethride scavenger hunt at 3 Kings: A wheel almost won

A coffin shaped like a skateboard, a yuppie dressed up as a homeless person, a sexy nurse: all things we had to find on the bicycle scavenger hunt Dethride at 3 Kings last night. Sixty people and 15 teams entered the hunt, which took riders across the city to collect items, perform tasks and take pictures.

We had two hours to find or catalog about 30 different items. Normally this would have been a cause for panic, but thankfully my team kept it simple, routed out a little circle around the city and took off.

Each photo had a different point amount associated with it, with some of the more impossible ones being worth a handy 30 points. One of these, a team photo in a graveyard, was only tackled by one team who road all the way out to Commerce City to snap the picture. We skipped that one. We did, however, have to complete a slew of tasks, including at one point popping into Lost Lake and guzzling a lime-tainted Smirnoff Ice, which I nearly threw up immediately after chugging down.

We kicked off the evening by riding north to the Molly Brown Museum, where we tapped a pedestrian talking to his niece on the phone to take a group picture of us. He was remarkably kind considering five strangers had just accosted him to take a picture while he was clearly having an adorable conversation with children.

I couldn't tell you the total distance we rode, but I can say with certainty we never hit any speed records as we wandered around the city. But scavenger hunts aren't about speed, they're about finding random crap and paying attention to your surroundings. We hit up the northern bars next -- Bar Bar, the Filling Station and Fat Brothers Bar -- for some more photo opportunities. It was at these bars we found a team taking the easy way out by driving a car around -- a fact they may have been busted for at the end of the evening. Car or not, they didn't seem to do to well in the end.

The rest of the evening was easy as pie; our team stuck together throughout the whole thing, with the exception of splitting up for about 15 minutes to snag some key items like a broken mirror, a fun size Snickers and a spider ring. When we got back to 3 Kings we still had 10 minutes to spare, which we spent counting and recounting the skulls on the paintings in the basement. The place was already packed full of other teams, which seemed to mean everyone else was significantly faster than us or they had way better luck finding some of the crazier shit on the list. Turns out it was neither.

I should have probably warned my teammates prior to the race that I don't win anything, ever. With the exception of once getting a new mountain bike from the cap on a Coke bottle when I was a kid, I've never won a damn thing, and certainly not anything that required skill. It was this curse that knocked us into second place, by a mere 10 points, 10 points I could have made up for had I noticed the fact I was standing next to a 15-point photo opportunity when we returned to the bar. The third place team was just five points behind us, meaning the top three teams were remarkably close together.

The award ceremony, to which we were called up to the stage to collect our rewards, followed after three of the bands on the ticket played. Under normal conditions, this wouldn't have been a problem, but as it turns out, I get a little clumsy when I'm on a stage in front of people, and I managed to drop and spread out all of our winnings. Maybe it was the fact that organizer Jen Nordhem kept calling us all nerds, or maybe I'd just had a couple too many drinks. It was classy either way.

Though we might only have managed first loser, we walked away with a pile of swag, including gift certificates, coffee and a bunch of other random stuff. The first place people got similar stuff, but they also scored a new wheel from local bike shop the Track Shack.

The night closed with Nordhem looking just as exhausted as the rest of us and giving out a hearty "thank you" to everyone who stuck around for the awards, which, considering there were 15 teams in total, wasn't too many people. Even biker-party animals can't stay out too late on a Sunday night, apparently.

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Thorin Klosowski
Contact: Thorin Klosowski