Eleven memorable lines from the Laugh Track Comedy Festival

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11. Chris Charpentier

As the emcee of the night, Charpentier got the crowd squirming in their seats with the hilariously cringe worthy story that began with the line "One of my retarded brothers had a son a while ago." Apparently enjoying the awkward laughter from bumping his face into his uncle's crotch, Charpentier's story turns the crowd silent when he explained how the boy decided to kiss his uncle's crotch. Explaining to his friends that he didn't want to be a disciplinarian uncle, preferring the cool, easy going uncle, the friend returned with the question "so you want to be the kind of uncle who lets his nephew kiss his penis?"

10. Erik Anker

Hailing from St. Louis, Anker's deadpan delivery of his one-liners would consistently take the crowd a moment or two to absorb: and then, bang!

Example A. "I'd like to open a burger joint called Aspergers."

Example B. "I have something in common with blind people: I also don't give a shit about magic."

9. Abbey Jordan

Strutting onto the stage in M.I.A. style sideways cap and fanny pack, Jordan killed with her closing joke about a friend who was considering deflowering a young, virginal man. "She said she didn't want to do it because she was on her period," Jordan said. "And I was like 'that's the perfect time! You could stop him halfway through and start screaming "Oh my god! What's all this blood! You did something wrong! Turn on the lights. What is all this!?"'"

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Josiah M. Hesse
Contact: Josiah M. Hesse