Breeality Bites

Five holiday party tips: Getting high, being schwasted and other dos and don'ts

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Note: Your drunken version of "Da Butt" won't A) look this cool or B) be directed by Spike Lee.

5. It's okay to get drunk -- just don't get schwasted If you drink, this is what holiday parties are for! Getting drunk around family and coworkers may not be part of our daily interactions, but at this time of year it is completely acceptable. Everyone else is imbibing and if you're lucky, it's on the company dime. But do yourself a favor and don't get tethered to the bar. Introverts and extroverts can both fall prey to this habitual party stance, because drinking takes the edge off, so it's easy to post up by the booze.

The problem is, even if you think you're a funny drunk, chances are you're not that funny to everyone else. And those people may end up babysitting you and/or remembering every single moment of the night for you, including every time you decided to not-consensually do "Da Butt" on every coworker within a three-foot radius.

4. Take a date -- even if you don't have a significant other-type person Listen, coworkers and family members want gossip. I know this because I am both of these things, and I live for this shit. Being the ultimate Fag Hag, I can reach into a grab bag of gorgeous, entertaining, charming, socially advantageous dudes and find a date who will look fabulous on the arm and keep the party abuzz with everyone questioning whether or not I finally have a boyfriend. (Being not-married and 32, this is the most asked question next to "are your glasses real?") At our annual Westword holiday party last week, I pulled Spencer from my ranks -- my infallible gay husband. He "looks" straight (if his pompadour isn't too high) and, as a bonus, his face was slightly torn up, which made him look hot AND tough. I didn't tell anyone that the marks on his purdy little cheeks and nose were from when he got a little too friendly with gin the night before and fell into his Christmas tree. That was for the gossipers to gossip about.
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Bree Davies is a multimedia journalist, artist advocate and community organizer born and raised in Denver. Rooted in the world of Do-It-Yourself arts and music, Davies co-founded Titwrench experimental music festival, is host of the local music and comedy show Sounds on 29th on CPT12 Colorado Public Television and is creator and host of the civic and social issue-focused podcast, Hello? Denver? Are You Still There? Her work is centered on a passionate advocacy for all ages, accessible, inclusive, non-commercial and autonomous DIY art spaces and music venues in Denver.
Contact: Bree Davies