Arts and Culture

Five local Missed Connections that would make great fodder for the theater

Craigslist can be a scary, scary place, but that doesn't make any of us visit it any less. When Spark Theater playwright Sean Paul Mahoney decided to write a play about the website's role in Internet and pop culture, he spent hours scouring its Casual Encounters and Missed Connections sections for the best eleven entries to inspire vignettes in his play, the aptly titled Casual Encounters/Missed Connections. About half of these come from Denver, while the rest span a range of cities up to but not including Las Vegas. (The Vegas posts are so intense thatnobody would even believe they're real, Mahoney says.)

But what about the stories that didn't make the cut? Below, Westword uncovers five Missed Connections posted this week alone that could easily take a turn on the stage or screen with a little help and a happy ending.

But first, a few words of advice: If you're hoping to catch someone's eye, you need only wear something notable, show up at a Missed Connections hub (Starbucks, King Soopers, Whole Foods, literally any gas station) and make eye contact slightly longer than is comfortable. You could even devise a situation involving a blood-pressure cuff. Whatever you do, do not use the word "ravage." And if at all possible, stay away from Zodiac killer-style poetry. That story has already been told, and it doesn't end well.

5. Mr. Suit Ideally, this would be a Kick-Ass style short starring a self-created superhero named, of course, Mr. Suit, whose overwhelming romance skills would make up for his extreme lack of imagination.

I was so heppy to hear from you on Monday...I thought I would never hear from you again!! I want you, but I am scared and I told you so, I thought that you would fight harder??? I just needed a little reassurance... thats all. So if by chance you read this text me again...I make a really good secret!!! You are so sexy, especially in your suit!! You will always be Mr. Suit to me. If not....good luck in life.

4. Save the Last Dance We're pretty sure they already made this one into a movie (and a terrible sequel). And it was also kind of the plot of Dirty Dancing (and Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights). But has it ever been a play?

Carey, we danced the last dance together, and it was so beautiful. If you ever want to celebrate your un-birthday with me again, write to me! OMG, there was so much heart in our connection. It was absolutely awesome. At the end of our dance, I picked you up off the dance floor and whirled you around 360. I want to do it again. Soon. I miss you already.

3. Silver Fox Clearly, a slightly gray Antonio Banderas would play this rogue Argonaut warrior. Here's a man who knows what he wants -- and he wants exactly one Guinness. Wes Anderson, he's ready for his close-up.

I bumped into you there 5 or so times around 3:00pm today. There was great energy between us (so I thought). I am guessing you are spoken for but if you read these, write me back. You bought a single bottle of Guiness.

2. The Mile High Club Why run in slow motion at the gates when you can find love on the plane? We see some serious potential for this to go beyond a vignette and straight to a U.S. Airways commercial.

You definitely caught my eye on the tram at the Denver airport that took us to our gate for U.S. Airways Flight 494 from Denver to Charlotte last night, Jan 21st. It was 11pm and we both were on this red eye flight. You are tall, blond, wearing jeans, a leather jacket, and carrying your iPad. I am tall, with long red hair, wearing tan boots and a long tan coat. You were in row 27 next to the kid talking about hunting. I was in row 28 along the aisle. We chatted a bit when boarding and again when we landed. You said you were heading to Cleveland. I was on the way to DC. I wished I had gotten your name! I am Susan.

1. Hot for Teacher If this nurse were also a teacher, she could serve a dual purpose in teaching her suitor to improve his grammar.

I know this is virtually impossible but if you read this you'll know who I am I drop my son off in your office when we run later than expected I ALWAYS HIT ON YOU good Lord are you a beautiful woman would love to ask you out to dinner . Yes I'm divorced for you nosey people. I don't see a ring on your hand and your Smile and eyes are truly Amazing. It's a dream

See which Craigslist posts did make it into the play at Spark, 240 South Broadway, at 7 p.m. Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays through February 18.

Also read: "Spark Theater trolled Craigslist for its latest play, Casual Encounters/Missed Connections."

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Kelsey Whipple
Contact: Kelsey Whipple

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