Five reasons Denver needs an extraterrestrial commission

Keep Westword Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Denver and help keep the future of Westword free.

Yesterday, we learned the sad news: Denver Initiative 300, which would have created an official, government-approved commission to prepare our fair city for a visit from extraterrestrials, was soundly defeated, garnering hardly fifteen percent of the vote -- meaning hardly fifteen percent of the population has any sense of humor. It also shows a lack of foresight, because aside from the relatively low likelihood of an actual visit from beings from other lands, the commission could have some very important uses, from the political to the psychological. Here are five ways an extraterrestrial commission could have helped Denver. Give Jeff Peckman something to do Please let this guy stop making rap videos
More sweet jumps You might say that just because we have a commission doesn't mean the aliens are going to be any more likely to come here -- but you know what? It's nothing like that, penis breath.
Boulder An extraterrestrial commission could keep busy studying pretty much everyone who comes down from there.
The paranoia You ever seen a space alien, man? You ever seen a space alien... on weed? With the huge influx of medical marijuana in the last couple of years, Denver needs something to comfort it about the weird shit it gets paranoid about.
To counteract the influence of Tom Tancredo Because we all know how that guy feels about aliens.

Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.