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Funny people: The fifteen best jokes submitted by our readers

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Earlier this week, we created a contest for you, our glorious readers, to win tickets to Comedy Works by submitting your favorite jokes. The post, which earned more than sixty submissions, resulted in some flat, some bewildering and some pretty hilarious jokes, and we recently announced our final winners. (Some of you could use some time at Comedy Works to fine-tune those funny bones.) In the meantime, continue reading for our fifteen favorite reader-submitted jokes.

See also: - Win tickets to Comedy Works! Tell us your favorite joke - LadyFace's Chella Negro: Dick jokes are dead, but sketch comedy is alive and kicking - Arguments and Grievances second-anniversary edition at Vine Street Pub

15. Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

A: Because they taste funny.

14. Q: What did one snowman say to the other?

A: Smells like carrots in here.

13. Q: How do you make holy water?

A: Boil the Hell out of it!

12. Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?

A: The last place you left it.

11. Q: What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A: A carrot.

10. A termite walks into a bar and says "Hey, is the bar tender here?"

9. Q: What kind of luggage do vultures travel with when they fly?

A: Carrion.

8. Q: What did the ocean say to the island?

A: Nothing, it just waved.

7. Q: What do you call a cow with three legs?

A: Lean beef.

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?

A: Ground beef.

6. Q: What's loud, hairy, and has nine arms?

A: Def Leppard.

5. Two cannibals are eating dinner together when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I can't stand my mother-in-law."

"Then try the potatoes."

4. Q: Who was the fattest knight in King Arthur's court?

A: Sir Cumference.

3. Q: How did he get so fat?

A: From eating too much Pi.

2. Q: What do vegan zombies crave?

A: GRRRRAAAAIIIINNNSS!

1. Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: It's a really obscure number... You've probably never heard of it.


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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.