Jersey Shore 3 Episode 11: The Sitch is a real bitch

My, how time flies. We can't believe we're already into the eleventh episode Jersey Shore, but it's true. Don't worry, if you missed the first ten, there was lots of tanning, fighting, clubbing, gyming and drunking. Oh, and fighting. We open this particular day to a virtually empty house--the ladies and Ronnie are getting pedicures or something, and Vinny has taken Pauly to Staten Island to have dinner with his family. This is also when Pauly discovers that Staten Island is actually an island. The Situation is left alone in the home. This is terrible. The thirty-year-old man decides to continue the on-going prank war, and not surprisingly, he takes it to a new low. Not only does he do his best to give JWoww's dogs diharrea by feeding them trash and peanut butter, he actually succeeds. Everyone loses in this prank war automatically, because the dogs are on no one's team, and they poop all over the house. Unfortunately, The Sitch underestimates female intelligence, and fakes like he's sleeping when the girls arrive home, as to not take credit for the prank. Upon arrival, Deena immediately sniffs the dog's fur, and sure enough, the dog smells like The Sitch's cologne. Busted. Whatevs, the crew comes together to get ready to go to the club--where we watch Ronnie slobber all over Sammi. Of course this ends in a fight, sort of, maybe more of a another sad moment for Ronnie, as his advances are blocked. The next morning, everyone goes tanning, and Vinny follows along for the first time. He gets a spray tan, so he can now be a big fist-pumping jerk off like everyone else. It seems to go well with his hardly believable womanizing attitude. On the way home from the group tan, JWoww sees her man, Roger, in a car a few lanes over. She honks to get his attention, and--according to all of her passengers--Roger does "the dip," meaning he ducks down so he can't be seen. It also looks as if there is a woman in the car. JWoww is coyly fuming. Back at the house, she immediately calls and leaves Roger an ultimatum-like accusatory message, though what was allegedly seen is still hearsay. The house then gets into a waterballoon fight, out of no where. It's boring to watch. Roger calls back to confront JWoww, and her suspicions were wrong. No worries, everyone is happy again and the crew heads over to Jenk's, a fake boardwalk where nothing exciting happens, except JWoww meets some uglies. After a few hours of drinking in public, everyone heads home because it is time to get ready for the club. At the club, some dude tells The Situation that he's come there to meet Sammi. Of course, of course the millisecond there is no fighting, a fight has to break out. As usual, The Sitch is the spark, informing everyone that Sammi was trying to hook up with this guy--who turns out to be Sammi's old friend. The shit hits the fan, and Sammi and Ronnie are at it again. After Ronnie tells Sammi off, Sammi tells The Situation off. Back at the house, it is clear to anyone watching this from a television screen that this whole thing is of course, The Situation's fault. Yes, Sammi was texting this dude. But as friends, apparently, and for the moment, that seems reasonable. It doesn't enter anyone else's mind that it could be a possibility that Sammi actually has a dude that is also a friend. In fact, all of the dudes in the house reiterate this point while Sammi and Ronnie continue to fight. They yell, and yell and yell until JWoww's dogs start barking, literally. More yelling and more yelling and--scene.

Semi-memorable quotes:

"I did not know Staten Island was an actual island until we went over the bridge." - Pauly

"I want my kid's last name to have a vowel in it. And a tan, obviously." - Snooki

"Jenny's laughing to the ball-busting" - Vinny

"The guys look really good from afar, but once they come up to our table, they are jacked-hideous." - JWoww

"It's the same shit, different toilet with Ron and Sam." - JWoww

"I look like a pail freak. I look like Vinny." - Snooki

"G. T. F.--Gym, Tanning, Find out who Sammi is texting behind Ronnie's back." - Pauly

"If this relationship continues, I will kill myself." - Pauly, in regards to Sammi and Ronnie

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