Jersey Shore 3, Episode 5 recap: Ronnie, the broken man

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So, we missed last week's episode of Jersey Shore. Our bad. Yes, we know, MTV replayed it at least thirty times since, but we just forgot, okay? From the commercials and pre-show recaps, it looks like Snooki possibly realized she had a drinking problem, but thankfully bounced back into her regular state of denial. Tom (JWoww's off-screen bf) dumped her, leaving her house in Long Island and two small dogs unattended. Tom is also a bizarre thief of a man, lifting J's harddrive, wrist watch and a mattress upon vacating. 

This episode begins with JWoww and Snooki at J's house in Long Island, picking up the pieces and the puppies, and attempting to change the locks before heading back to the shore. (They may or may not have been successful, but we never find out and luckily don't really care.) Back in Jersey, Snooki's friend Ryder (the one who apparently hooked up with Vinny, we learned, a few episodes ago) is in the mix, ready to celebrate her birthday. Deena and Ryder head out to pre-game with drinks, shots and amusment park rides, baffling humanity by somehow not puking on the boardwalk. 

Cut to later in the night, where we find everyone at the club together--even Ronnie and Sammi, who have dragged themselves out to fight in public. Sammi turns the psycho on, and, combined with booze, seems to have (finally) successfully pushed Ronnie to the limit. No matter for the rest of the house, as JWoww brings her old favorite Roger home, and MVP leave the club, each with a girl--and the dreaded extra--a grenade.  MVP, the girls, grenades and all settle in to enjoy some pizza. Meanwhile, Ronnie is upstairs losing it, to the point of laughing maniacally. Ronnie, still laughing, throws all of Sammi's belongings out of the closet and tells her to pack it up.
Downstairs, the genade tries to ruin the Situation's chance at smashing her friend--cue the grenade horn. Grenade is diverted, but the night of terror isn't over. The lovely lady Vinny brought home has been followed closely behind by her uncle. Yes, Vinny is sufficiently cock-blocked by 22-year-old girl's uncle. He swears to call her, but then tells the camera that, of course, he's not gong to call this girl. If she ever reappears on the show, we will only refer to her as Uncle-girl. 

The Ronnie and Sammi saga continues, but now, he's moved on from laughing to sobbing hysterically. A pep talk from JWoww seems to help--but it just mends Ronnie and J's friendship. This friend reunion will later heal the whole house's relationship, but for now, Ronnie is a broken man. Sammi, like the tyrant she is, appears again, hearing from The Situation that JWoww and Ronnie have made amends. Sammi's confrontation goes something like this: screaming, screaming, blah, blah, blah, punch. 
Meanwhile, the rest of the house has brought Ryder a birthday cake. She, of course, is passed out on the rooftop patio, pretty close to our favorite character, the hot tub--who has made no appearances this episode, unfortunately. Like clockwork, the next morning, Sammi and Ronnie get back together, even though her bags are packed. No one is surprised, but also, no one really wanted her to leave. Why is still unclear.  

It's now family dinner time, and the Jersey Shore tradition is again once about the family as Sammi seems to be having some actual thoughts regarding reconciliation with JWoww. Note: This kind of introspection may be a first for anyone on the show. It is also date night, so JWoww and her man Roger go on a double date with Deena and her man Dean. The Situation is no where to be found, and Vinny and Snooki have decided to go buy a stripper pole. It is somehow surprising that the house hasn't had one installed until now. 
The next morning, MVP head to the barbershop, where they hear from the barber who heard from Deena's man, Dean, that she likes to go down south on the backside. Later on at the gym, the Situation tells Deena the salad tossing rumor, which she--like any woman would--denies. 

Cut to that evening at the club, where Deena tells Dean to rightfully get lost. The club will be also be the setting for a JWoww and Sammi reunion, as JWoww uses the club time to try to smooth things over. This friendship rekindling does happen, and is extremely awkward. JWoww and Sammi hug. This is also extremely awkward. Finally, the house can stop feeling like a dramatic cesspool and go back to feeling like just a drunken, sloppy cesspool.

Semi-memorable quotes:

"It's kind of frustrating when a girl has a protective uncle." - Vinny

"If he's giggling, game over." - Vinny

"Good thing I'm trained in the art of dodging a grenade" - Pauly D

"This isn't god. God isn't your ego." - Vinny

"Keep it classy? Are you serious?" - Roger (JWoww's bf)

"Happy hour, the happiest hour ever" - Ryder (Snooki's friend)

"It doesn't come up as 'stripper pole' on my credit card does it?" - Snooki

"My teeth and my mouth is too precious to go down that way." - Deena

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