Do you still sleep with the "jock strap," as you like to call it, around your face for sleep apnea?
Yeah, I have to. And it's actually getting worse! I might have to have surgery and get my tonsils cut out. But the machine -- I can't live without that damn machine. I had a gig in San Jose and my assistant was driving me home and I had this adapter that plugs into the lighter. I had just put on the mask and we pulled into McDonald's, and do you know how creeped-out the person at McDonald's was when we got my food and I pop up with this mask and hose sticking out of my face. I bet I freaked her the fuck out, man. I probably looked like that dude from Batman. What's his name? Bane? I bet I looked like fucking Bane from Batman. That's what I looked like.
So are you gonna go through with the surgery and get your tonsils taken out?
Yeah, it looks like I have to do it really soon. I might have to do it early next year. I can't do it this year because I'm booked. When you get your tonsils taken out, it's at least three weeks of healing.
Are you gonna keep your tonsils like souvenirs?
Yeah, I'm gonna bronze them. I'm gonna wear them around my neck like a chain.
Well, if they've been bothering you for so long, you might as well show them who's boss, right?
Exactly. Don't fuck with me. That's what happens when you fuck with me -- I wear you around my neck.
Do you ever get any negative responses from the Asian community who perhaps feel like you're stereotyping the way they talk?
No. My whole thing is, when I first started talking about me being Filipino, there's no difference between me talking about my mom and Eddie Murphy talking about his mom. The only difference is, my mom has an accent. But she's still a funny mom. In terms of throwing in the accent -- I have to. How am I going to act like my mom without the fucking accent? I always wanted to let people know I was Filipino but I didn't want to go up on stage and make it so you wouldn't understand my jokes because you're white or black. I always wanted to let people know I was Filipino through my mom. That was always my goal. That way everyone got it. You don't have to be Filipino to understand my mom. Everyone has a mom that does the same shit. Mine just happens to have an accent.
I don't know about every mom doing the same things your mom does. What about the "ting ting" grabbing?
[Laughs] Now that's some real shit. That's fucking real. That's a real story and I'm glad I said it, because it's fucking true. In the Philippines it's a joke. Here in America, with something like that, you'll go to jail. But in the Philippines it's no big deal. It's supposed to be funny.
Speaking of the Philippines, are you a big Manny Pacquiao fan?
Oh, are you kidding me? There's another one, too -- there's another one? [laughs] There's another Filipino champ by the name of Nonito Donaire who's a lightweight and he's making us proud.
Did you watch the controversial fight this summer when he lost to Timothy Bradley?
I was there! I was tenth row, dead center. I was totally pissed. I couldn't believe my eyes. You could totally tell it was fixed. Yeah, Manny had a shitty fight but he still beat the shit out of him. Everybody knew he won. I was really upset, man. I couldn't believe it. But that's what happens in boxing. There's too many promoters and too many hands. It's such a shitty sport. No matter how good you are, the promoters always run it.
Are you a sports fan in general?
Oh, yeah. Everything except for soccer and women's basketball. [laughs] Don't even put those in the sports category. It shouldn't even be on ESPN. Just don't show us the fucking highlights. Nobody cares. [laughs]
So have you been following the MLB Playoffs?
Oh, yeah. I love it. I love what the Giants are doing. None of these teams are mine, but I love the fact that Detroit beat New York. That was amazing. That city needs every bit of help it can get. It's great for that city. Then the Giants, coming back from all these deficits -- it's crazy. But I'm a Mariners fan! I'm from Seattle, so I'm all about the Mariners and the Seahawks.