King Tut in Denver: the five stupidest merchandising tie-ins

Avatar breakfast cereal. Dinner with Schmucks dinette sets. We live in a world of stupid tie-ins -- and while, to be fair, neither of those things actually exist (you can, however, have a breakfast-cereal-themed web avatar, if you desire one), the point is, they could. The Denver Art Museum's Tutankhamun and the Golden Age of Pharohs certainly does, and from "movin' Anubis" to King Tut spa packages, there's no shortage of enterprising, ridiculous ways folks are devising to ride the revenue wave. Here are our top five:

05. Wynkoop Brewing Company: Tut's Royal Gold Now, to be fair, beer is awesome, and the Wynkoop's King Tut beer actually sounds pretty good: "A hybrid imperial Egyptian pale ale made with honey, wheat and a trippay array of spices," whatever "trippay" means. The name, though, makes it sound a lot more like third-shelf fortified wine.

04. Mad Greens: King Tut Salad Like the Wynkoop, Mad Greens has a semi-credible tie-in, since the place is located about 50 feet from the actual exhibit. But let's get down to brass tacks: A salad has nothing to do with ancient Egypt. Besides, "King Tut Salad"? At least come up with a catchy tag for it.

03. Tales of King Tut's blog To be fair, we don't even know what Tales of King Tut's blog is supposed to be about. It seems like it's been around a while, so maybe we're missing some context, but on the other hand, it's evidently a "lost blog," so maybe we weren't supposed to find it. Either way, it's pretty incoherent. And just from a linguistic standpoint, to whom does the blog belong?

02. Hotel Monaco: King Tut spa package Lame to begin with, but when the Hotel Monaco invites its guests to get "'all wrapped up' in the excitement" of the exhibit, this becomes one of the most groan-inducing tie-ins ever conceived. Fire your pun guy, Hotel Monaco.

01. Dick's Sporting Goods Park: Anubis Remember Anubis, the jackal-headed death-god who made travelers uncomfortable at DIA? Now, for reasons no one can quite comprehend, he's at Dick's Sporting Goods Park. It's supposed to be a tie-in for the Mile High Music Festival, but unless we're counting Dave Matthews' cold sores, we'd rather enjoy our music festivals sans the specter of death, thanks.

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Jef Otte
Contact: Jef Otte