When George Lucas created Star Wars he had no idea it was going to become the phenomenon that it did. In fact, if it wasn't for the dedicated merchandising work of Howard Roffman that caused the resurgence of popularity, we may not have ever seen revival of the brand. However, where there is success in a franchise, there's strange licensing decisions. Below you'll find some of our favorites from the massive catalog.
10. Darth Vader Toaster At some point in recent history, someone out there figured out you could brand toast with pictures of things. Subsequently, we've had a slew of toaster-related branding, and since Star Wars is built on branding, we had to get one. Cue a "dark side of the toast" joke. (via Star Wars Shop).
9. Jedi Bath Robes Why lounge around after a shower looking like a run-of-the-mill scumbag when you can dry off in style? Bonus points to anyone capable of acting out duel fantasies for Star Wars and The Big Lebowski. (via Think Geek).
8. Pet Costumes If your animal isn't already miserable enough walking around in the hand-knit sweater you have it in, perhaps you'd like to embarrass "Sparky" more by putting it in a Princess Leia costume. Our challenge to you: Take your dog out today, dressed in one of these costumes. (via Think Geek).
7.Lando Calrissian Disguise Kit This one could border on being very, very not politically correct, but it turns out it's just a moustache (via Star Wars Shop).
6. C3PO Backpack When we go shopping for a backpack, we really only look for something that can hold our crap. This one doesn't appear to be able to hold much of anything, but it will make you look like a freak when you're walking down the street. Perhaps if you plan on dressing as Chewbacca for Halloween this makes sense, but otherwise, we don't really see any use in it, unless you really just want to carry around your iPad in a ridiculous case. (via Think Geek).
5. He-Man Inspired Princess Leia Aka: Monkey Leia. We don't know who designed this mold, but it's clear they've never seen a real human body in their entire life. This thing is so creepy-looking there is no way any kid out there would have found enjoyment in it unless they were launching it off a cliff. (via eBay).
4. Return of the Jedi Fort Had our parents not been cheapskates and built us forts with their sweat and blood, they might have been more awesome and bought us this thing. When it comes to memorabilia, the price point needs to usually be relatively low to garner enough interest, but we'd imagine this this was incredibly expensive -- because although it's a bit weird, it's fucking awesome. (via Topless Robot).
3. Jar Jar Binks Monster Mouth Candy Because kids love candy and kids were supposed to love Jar Jar Binks, it makes sense that they'd try to market the two things together. Unfortunately, this weird thing ended up looking more like a creepy dildo than a sucker. Hopefully parents were smart enough to not let their kids eat this in public (via Amazon).
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2. Star Wars: Balance of the Force Coloring Book Just like the Jar Jar Binks above, it's pretty clear someone at LucasFilm has no idea what a sexual innuendo looks like. (via HelloKids.com).
1. C3PO Tape Dispenser No matter what the brand behind it was, there is no way to save the creepiness of this one. C3PO riding what is essentially a rape dispenser may very well be one of the greatest things we've ever seen, even if it does upset us in a million and one ways (via Star Wars Merchandise Wiki).