Monday Night Football: That's what she said?

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The game of football has a long, storied tradition of homoerotica: the spandex pants, the frequent bending over, the sweaty, man-on-man grappling -- it's a classic case of Sparta syndrome: athletic, highly ritualized body-worship. And though uncomfortable fruit-salad shots and gratuitous ass-slapping are by no means unusual in a televised football game, did it seem to anyone else like last night's Broncos vs. Chargers bout got extra, well, gay?

I mean really, I haven't seen that many "that's-what-she-said"-isms in two hours since the last time I watched Top Gun ("You two really are cowboys"). Here's a selection of my favorite:

  • "Kyle Orton is working on his deep ball game"
  • "He needs to deliver that package right into the pocket"
  • "He's a big, strong, tall target"
  • "He's had two magnificent sacks"
  • "They've hit a lot of those deep balls this year"
  • So many deep balls. Or should we say... balls deep? To make matters even grosser, by the middle of the third quarter, announcer Jon Gruden was pretty much openly hand-jobbing Chargers Quarterback Phillip Rivers. Aside from the several unsettling montages featuring butt-rock ballads and Rivers winking in ultra slow-motion -- which was just weird -- Gruden reserved the creepiest line of the night just for Rivers: "The best thing he could do was kind of push it forward and push it forward."

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