Breeality Bites

My fake Facebook engagement to a gay guy

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Nothing ever came of the reality television situation, so Spencer and I essentially lost track of the project, I mean marriage. Then a few weeks ago, something compelled me to revive it. Maybe it was out of a desire to let a handful of extremely "devoted" Facebook fans of me (er, my writing) know that I was off-limits to their commenting. Things like "OMG YUR HOTTT" posted to my photos and unsolicited (and very much unwanted) e-mails sent to me by strangers who felt obliged to divulge their innermost feelings on how "we've never met, but we're totally soul mates" pushed my creep-o-meter needle springing forward. It was also enough to drive me into a fake relationship on the Internet.

Or maybe I was just compelled to cause Facebook trouble, because I'm an unabashed, self-obsessed, attention-seeking human who wants everyone to be interested in whatever I'm doing, all of the time.

Either way, I decided the engagement was happening. I even started wearing a faux-engagement ring. I texted Spencer to notify him of the change in his own status -- he had to verify the on-our-way-to-marital-status status before it posted to Facebook for everyone to see. But of course, like the perfect trouble-making companion he is, he took it a step further and hyphenated his last name, adding Davies on the end and basically declaring game on.

And just FYI: Facebook won't let you be engaged to an inanimate object or idea (I've tried to reveal myself as married to "the game" before), or engaged to a person who is not on Facebook, or engaged to a "public figure" (something I learned when I tried to change my status as married to Trick Daddy.)

By all accounts, my Facebook marriage sham worked: Bree's Fan Club For Creeps Only didn't "like" my profile picture of Spencer and me in an awkward (but strikingly passionate-looking) kiss. The BFCFCO didn't "like" my engagement announcement. These things stuck out because usually when I post any minute piece of private information on Facebook (like you're supposed to,) the dudes in this unofficial club "like" whatever I've put out there within eight seconds. "This must be what it's like to be Kristen Stewart, pre-Robert Pattinson/post-Robert Pattinson reconcile," I thought to myself. The BFCFCO are like the paparazzi of my make-believe life, and I sure tricked them!
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Bree Davies is a multimedia journalist, artist advocate and community organizer born and raised in Denver. Rooted in the world of Do-It-Yourself arts and music, Davies co-founded Titwrench experimental music festival, is host of the local music and comedy show Sounds on 29th on CPT12 Colorado Public Television and is creator and host of the civic and social issue-focused podcast, Hello? Denver? Are You Still There? Her work is centered on a passionate advocacy for all ages, accessible, inclusive, non-commercial and autonomous DIY art spaces and music venues in Denver.
Contact: Bree Davies