Holidays

Nine Ways to Have a Happy Hipster Christmas

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9) Santa and his Elves Hipster Santa has given up on gluten and lost a few pounds. He's exchanged the baggy, velvet suit for flannel and red skinny jeans. He's also downsized to a messenger bag and traded in the sleigh for a bike. This means no more reindeer; besides, making them pull a sleigh would be animal cruelty. Hipster elves work in a modern workshop and are paid well above minimum wage, with bonus gift cards for acupuncture and aroma therapy treatment. They all wear ironic T-shirts about the commercialism of the holiday, drink espresso and smoke American Spirits.

8) Holiday Facial Hair Facial hair is so in vogue that it's up to you how to get creative. You can nix the beard and go with just a mustache, preferably dyed white. Or you can put Santa to shame and grow a Gandalf-level beard. Take it a step further by decorating your beard with holiday baubles or candy canes.

7) Christmas Movies This year, forgo the cheesy holiday movies. Use your extra days off to Netflix documentaries about Third World countries, the economy and the rapid poisoning of the environment. It may be Christmas, but that doesn't mean you should ignore the world's problems like everyone else.

6) Christmas Carols While you figure out where to find solar-powered twinkly lights, rock out to obscure European Christmas songs and any classic holiday tunes you have on vinyl. Instead of caroling, throw on a set of headphones and go door to door jamming to your esoteric play list while your neighbors stare at you in confusion.

5) Food and Drink Christmas dinner should star tofurkey seasoned with homegrown herbs accompanied with quinoa stuffing and raw-sugared yams. Or skip the homemade dinner entirely and find a food truck serving Thai Mexican fusion. Feel free to spike the eggnog (made with free-range eggs, of course), with some cognac, rum and just a splash of PBR. When leaving out cookies for Santa, try a vegan, gluten-free cookie recipe -- or maybe just leave a bowl of granola and a soy chai latte, so he can keep up his strength. Keep reading for four more ways to have a happy hipster Christmas.
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Amanda Moutinho
Contact: Amanda Moutinho