OMG like how hot are vampires right now? So hot, is how hot they are right now, but as everyone knows, Dracula is pretty much played out and the whole vampires-as-sexy-brooding-potential-lovers thing is already taken -- what we need is a new angle on vampires. So let's see... how about priests who slay vampires? We can make them really sexy like inStigmata
, but also all badass and loner like in cop movies, and also we could give them all sweet excite-bike looking motorcycles like inTron: Legacy
! Awesome! Seriously, though, given the reality that there is in fact nothing exciting about priests (unless you're a preteen -- booya!), allPriest
needed to do to pique our interest was make this trailer even mildly compelling. And even there, it failed.
Unless you're counting illogical silliness as compelling -- because this trailer has that in spades. Check out our hero's disappointed look when the video-confession tape starts skipping. But buddy, you're confessing to a fucking tape, man -- it's not like you didn't know that going in. What did you think he was going to say about your confessions and doubts? Also, you would think that if the priests have nothing to do because the war is over, they'd be able to spare a priest or two to take confessions from the other priests. Oh wait, maybe they were too busy MOLESTING CHILDREN BOOYA!
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Truth be told, though, there is at least one compelling thing about this trailer: The head priest guy looks a whole lot like the Emperor from Star Wars, which normally we would take as a rip-off of Star Wars, except... the Emperor from Star Wars also happens to bear a disconcerting resemblance to Pope Benedict. No, seriously. Get a load of this:
Really, this movie should just be a movie about Pope Benedict, because that guy is fucking scary -- he doesn't just molest children, he eats them afterward.
If it weren't for that guy, we'd probably start going to mass, if for no other reason to see the hot priests with their sexy crucifix face-tattoos. Real priests have those, right?