Arts and Culture

Sexy Data, Smokey the Bear, and Mental Orgasms at Ignite Boulder 13

Running out of ideas to geek on? Fear not. The 13th installment of Ignite Boulder showcased the unique perspectives of fourteen local geeks who want nothing more than for you to hear their ideas. Equipped with twenty slides, presenters were allotted five minutes to deliver their views on topics ranging from the possibility of reaching sexual climax simply through stimulating conversation to the odds that James Bond has probably contracted an STD of some kind from having sex with over 88 women in twelve countries. With MC Ef Rodriguez fronting the show, Ignite exploded all night with roars of laughter, told-ya-so's and a round of applause for the Boulder Emergency Response team. Aimee Giese: Graphic Design Logo Mechanics Giese offered a plethora of tips and tricks to ensure your logo design process is both successful and catchy. Quick tips: Steer clear of the bandwagon, don't follow the Swoosh, and sometimes less is more. But then again, sometimes more is not enough, so hire a pro.
Amateur Ape: How to Mix Beats The DJ duo known as Amateur Ape used their five minutes to train and inform attendees on the ease of mixing music on either vinyl turntables or computer digitized mixers. In doing so, they successfully mixed Mystikal and Lynyrd Skynyrd, a deadly mash. ​​
Chief Andrew Moschetti: Information on the Fourmile Canyon Fire Volunteer fireman Andrew Moschetti's presentation was geared towards one thing: Fourmile canyon. Using simple pictures and informative facts, Moschetti showed just how badly the fire affected everyone, including firemen in the community.
Chris Rosen: Girl-Cott Chris Rosen just got dumped. He is boycotting girls. Girlcott. If you want to hop on his bandwagon, hit him up at Atlas Purveyors. If you want to break his heart, be prepared for some backlash.

Dan Davis Boxleitner and John English: Hackerspaces Have you ever wanted to create a Tron-style lightbike that makes ice cream whilst you pedal? These guys do, and they have the means to do so, thanks to Hackerspaces. Hackerspaces are places where people come together to make things. Anything.
Jason Janelle: Non-Invasive Gender Transformation Jason Janelle was dressed as a woman, sporting the most fashionable of this year's GoodWill collection. Apparently, his wife wanted him to go to her bachelorette party as a woman, and he abided. The dude totally abided. He gave specific instructions on just how to be that piece of FAB-U-LOUS that walks in the room.
Leo Han: STDs and James Bond Han used James Bond as a perfect reference point as to how easy, or hard, it is to get an STD. He used strong stats from the Centers for Disease Control and the World Health Organization to show how many people probably have human papillomavirus, how many could have AIDs and the chances of Bond walking away clean from 84 one-night stands.
Niles Aemerick: What Would Shakespeare Tweet? Aemerick used the Internet to inform everyone how dumb we are all getting. He showed billboards with "LoL" on them and restaurant sandwich boards that clearly have room for the full version of "Ur." What memes will we come up with next? {_in_} = In a pickle. Best one.

Ryan Angelou: Love Stinks Angelou also displayed his bitter thoughts towards break-ups, but with a lighter note on how necessary it is to deal with them. Heartbreak? It's not that big of a deal with all the attractive people around.
Sean Flynn: Wildfire Health and You Flynn brought out Smokey the Bear (the real Smokey, or so it looked) to interpretively dance his way through 10 slides of wildfire mitigation information. Remember, ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES.
Sherisse Hawkins: The Mental Orgasm Hawkins believes it is possible to reach mental orgasms through the most stimulating conversations. By connecting with people, you can essentially trigger "mental O's" that are sparked from intellectual connections. I wear a baseball hat, but that's only because I believe in safe sapiosex.
Sterling White: Beautiful Data How much do you love data? Well you should love it more if it's not enough. Data is everywhere! Touch your hand and feel your pulse.  Do you feel that? That's a heartbeart that you can only see the beauty of when it's shown on an EKG monitor.
Tamara Kleinberg: Brainstorming Kills Creativity You probably thought that brainstorm activities were beneficial. Well, Kleinberg doesn't.  She thinks that creativity happens in our sleep and at random times, instead of when we set times to "be creative."
Taylor Mclemore: Battle of the Sexes What was he thinking? Of course women are going to win. His statistics proved that women can predict sports outcomes better and faster! He also threw all men under the bus when he said that men crumble at the idea of competing with women. Ouch. He probably got laid though, so it's not a total loss.
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Britt Chester is a writer and video producer living in Denver, Colorado. He's covered breaking news, music, arts and cannabis for Westword since 2010. His work has appeared in GQ Magazine, Village Voice, YES! Weekly, Inman News and the Winston-Salem Journal. He likes running, cycling, and interviewing people.
Contact: Britt Chester