Sizzle the cat -- so named by his rescuers from the Fourmile Canyon fire possibly because his serious burns made them think of fajita meat -- became notable this week for being the last pet found in the fire and not reunited with his owner. Now, he's been claimed -- but that just makes the story even weirder. Identified by his owner by way of a previous scar, Sizzle, whose real name is Morgan, apparently turned up missing in south Denver about a month ago, but how he made it the 48 miles to the Canyon is still a mystery. Here are five possible scenarios.
5. Owners wanted to score a reality series, but didn't have enough tinfoil for a makeshift weather balloon.
Turns out, Sizzle's paws and whiskers were never badly burned. In fact, he was never even in Fourmile. He was hiding in the attic the whole time. Suspicions built as to the veracity of the family's claims when, during an interview with Wolf Blitzer, Sizzle vomited at the mention of the incident, or possibly because of a hairball.
4. Got tired of being lol'd at
He didn't even want the cheezburger in the first place, but "O noes, I has let go" was the last straw. With only a bindle in tow, Sizzle headed up to Fourmile, where he could commune with nature and not have to endure humanity's retarded quipping.
3. Stole the Dodge
Originally only intending to joyride with his hep-cat teenager friends, Sizzle ended up in Fourmile when he drove off a cliff.
2. Fell in love with Sassy from Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey
Sizzle's paws weren't the only thing sizzling up there. Also sizzling was his love affair with Sassy, whose endearingly crabby attitude, wily cleverness and Sally Field-provided voiceover he would follow to the ends of the earth. Sadly, she left him for Burt Reynolds, who drove her the rest of the way to Georgia in a sweet-ass Trans Am.
1. Just went up to Boulder to get weed, somehow shit got crazy
That fire was harsh.
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