As we reported yesterday, Boulder-based Internet security company Webroot has released the Social Media Sobriety Test, an app that checks your level of inebriation before you risk making a drunken fool of yourself to all your online friends. But there's an easier way to tell if you're too drunk to tweet or post on Facebook. If you're experiencing any of the symptoms listed below, stay away from that damn computer. Trust us; Westword's crack team of drunken slobs has thoroughly tested each of the scenarios below, and the results weren't pretty.
- Every time you type the letter "s," it comes out "ish."
- The keyboard keeps moving away from you.
- All your posts are really just lines from Journey songs.
- Your USB drive doesn't recognize the new data source you are trying to insert: a shooter of Maker's Mark.
- Your spell checker can't find a correction for "oeriwennmol20u23nfi.phuedfk."
- You can't seem to understand why your computer isn't working -- until you realize you're trying to type info into your microwave using an upturned ice cube tray.
- You realize only too late that taking an electric carving knife to your computer monitor won't actually provide you with an iPad.
- You think it's a really good idea to point out the physical flaws in all the baby photos your friends have posted on Facebook.
- You're confused because you're pretty sure you only have one monitor, but there appear to be two on your desk.
- You're Kanye West.
- You've somehow negotiated a small arms deal with Somalian pirates using Chat Roulette.
- You can suddenly understand text written in Wingdings font.
- You have thrown up on your computer.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Westword's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Denver's stories with no paywalls.