Ten Ways Introverts Can Celebrate St. Patrick's Day Without Going Mad

St. Patrick's Day is an introvert's nightmare. Just look at that face.
St. Patrick's Day is an introvert's nightmare. Just look at that face. Jef Otte

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click to enlarge WAKING NED DEVINE
Waking Ned Devine
6. Watch Waking Ned Devine

This Irish movie has little to do with St. Patrick's Day — actually, nothing. But it's a blast to watch. It tells the story of a small town in which an old man, an introvert, wins the lottery and then croaks out of joy. His fellow townspeople rally to keep the money in town. It's charming. It's sweet. And it's a nice break from the religious, drunken bravado.
7. Listen to the Pogues

We suspect that once-gnarley-toothed Pogues frontman Shane MacGowan is an introvert forced into public, and that's probably why he seems to have been drunk for decades. Not everybody can stomach the Pogues or MacGowan's drunken antics, but if you can, crank up the volume and have a one-person dance-a-thon — in your underwear (which doesn't have to be green). If you like the idea of partying, but don't actually want to be around people, this is the way to do it.

8. Go Down a Pagan Internet Wormhole

You know how St. Patrick supposedly drove the snakes out of Ireland? Neo-pagans are pretty sure their spiritual ancestors, Druidic priests, were those snakes. Google it. And give yourself a few hours. Because soon you will be up to your eyeballs in blog posts about the subject.
9. Sing "Danny Boy"

If you have a few minutes of self-pity this weekend and start contemplating your death, sing "Danny Boy," picture yourself buried alone in a vast landscape of grassy, rolling hills, and cry your sweet, introverted eyes out. Imagine the sound of bagpipes carried in the wind from far, far away and the joy of no people bugging you at your grave.

10. Go Out
Still pitying yourself? Fine. Get out. See the parties. Feel the energy of the crowds. And then go back to your abode, head held high, grateful you're able to enjoy your St. Patrick's Day weekend solitude.

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Kyle Harris has been Westword’s Culture Editor since 2016, writing about the arts, music and film.
Contact: Kyle Harris