The Chamber of Commerce has just released a study showing that in 2018, Colorado residents are shelling out for the third-most expensive Christmas trees in the United States. Trees in this state cost about 30 percent more than the national average which is about $59 for a real, six-foot tree.
Not only are trees here expensive, there's reportedly a shortage of Christmas trees around the country, the result of Christmas tree farmers in the Pacific Northwest planting fewer trees as the recession hit in 2008.
In these times of higher prices and shorter trees, Coloradans are looking for options. Here are ten:
Christmas can be a hard time of the year for short people, when everyone is looking up...at tall trees, at shining stars. Fight the urge, and just buy a bonsai tree. It’s as beautiful and intricate as a full-size tree, without all the sizeist baggage. And decorating it is a snap.
Humans have worshiped rocks since time immemorial...and they last longer than trees. Although we can't recommend carving out a piece of Red Rocks Amphitheatre, various landscaping businesses in the area sell assortments of Colorado stone. Buy the right size, and it can double as a seat, a perfect solution for holiday guest overflow.
You love rocks, you love plants. Combine the two with a Chia Pet, an adorable Christmas tree substitute. Major advancements in Chia Pet technology have led to a wide array of Chia Pet options for consumers. You can grow grass on Trump’s head, cultivate growth on Yoda’s body, and even raise a culture of grass on Willie Nelson’s face. Bonus: Once your Christmas guests leave, you can start your body-cleanse New Year’s resolution early. Chia Pet grass is filled with anti-oxidants and makes for a great smoothie ingredient.
Not everyone has the luxury of spending Christmas with family and friends. If you fall into this category, don’t worry: Just rent an Ent from a Middle Earth near you. Ents will keep you company, making sure you don’t have a blue Christmas. They can also carry you in the supermarket in the days before the holiday, allowing you to grab all of the indulgent food products on top shelves. (Note: Ents are perfect for vertically challenged holiday shoppers who are not self-conscious about their height. For those who are self-conscious, we still recommend the bonsai tree.)
If you are feeling really devilish on Christmas day, flip a cross upside down and put it in the middle of your living room. Close the shades, spark up some waxy wicks, and listen to Led Zeppelin backwards. Remember, the letters of "Santa" also spell "Satan."
We live in Colorado, the pot mecca of America. Plenty of you already have weed plants at home, so all you have to do is bring one into the living room and wrap a few mini Christmas lights around it. For a heavenly touch, hang a heat lamp from the ceiling, shedding light on the scene. Who needs an angel?
A garden gnome is just an out-of-season, unemployed Christmas elf. Bring yours inside, put him to work, and festivities will bloom.
Worried about home intruders stealing all of the presents from underneath the tree after Santa makes his delivery and before Christmas morning? A cactus is the ultimate home defense, as well as a long-lasting option.
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Another long-lived option for Christmas, bamboo is newly hip and brings the bonus of good luck for the new year.
YouTube Video of a Christmas Tree
Everyone has at least one friend with a corny dad who puts on a video stream of a fireplace and says, “Wow, would you look at that beautiful Christmas day fire!” True innovators have taken that trick one step further. Now you can simply stream a video of a Christmas tree on your laptop. Search "9 HOURS Beautiful Christmas Scene" on YouTube and your holiday season will be complete.