It seems to some of us Gen Xers that celebratingEarth Day
-- and any other holiday -- just ain't the same as it used to be back in our decade of Smashing Pumpkins, store-bought tie-dye sundresses and lesbian chic. But if we learned anything from surviving the '90s, it's that trends are fluid -- we also learned that John Cusack and patchouli are both awesome, but in totally different ways -- and we are free to bring them back whenever the mood or the bong rip hits.
In honor of Earth Day, here are ten ways to celebrate Earth Day '90s-style. And remember: "Puff puff, give. Puff puff, give. You fuckin' up the rotation!"
10. Ask someone what the hell Earth Day is all about...and smoke some bud so that you space out and forget about it approximately fourteen minutes later.
9. Steal a baby tree from the K-Mart parking lot and plant it your yard....then roll a joint. K-Mart was doing aright back in the day -- but you might have to do a route to find an open one now.
8. Find a rally and go to it, and ask a random stranger what the hell Earth Day is about. Then smoke him/her out for being cool.
7. Recycle beer cans and empty Wavy Lay's bags...until that shit gets boring after a week or so and you ADHD-off to something else -- probably smoking a bowl.
6. Buy a Prius. Until the car dealer runs your credit, then drive home in your 1995 Dodge Neon, and pack a Black & Mild.
5. Shop at the Whole Foods. Fuck the actual farmers' market -- ain't no way you are getting up that early, when you were up late getting baked. The Earth, as well as boxes of organic mango-granola, will still be here tomorrow.
4. Plant a garden. Vegetables are cool and what-not, but planting weed seems like a better use of nutritive potting soil.3.
Buy some clothes made from hemp. At least until you get to a store, realize how much that shit costs, then go back to smoking it to save what little cash you got from your McJob.
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2. Start a drum circle in the park. All it took to get laid in the '90s was wearing your best tank top, Pagan-symbol choker and JNCO jeans to the park, then dancing around until you were just sweaty enough for the patchouli to kick in -- but not so sweaty that the Manic Panic started bleeding out of your fake dreds -- and there was some prime crunching on you. Offering to split your last pinner will certainly seal the deal.
1. Say fukkit, stay home and watch every rerun of Beavis and Butthead, drink some tight hooch out of Mason jars, and crank some Soul Coughing while you fire up your hot pink Graffix bong and get toke-a-delic with the neighbors in your apartment complex.