Team Champion, last night's featured team, elected to set their show up as simply a series of five-minute sets; all thirteen acts got the same shot at the glory. Which not only makes for a wide variety of comedic styles, but but also means it never goes on too long if it's flopping. Really, there's nothing negative about this set-up. I can't think of a single better way to see a large sampler of local talent and get back to the car before the meter expires.
And while some comics last night fared better than others -- the droll, smart one-liners of Roger Norquist were a major stand-out -- everyone had at least one good joke in them. In order of appearance and by comic, here are their best:
Jodee Champion (host): "Yes, my last name is really Champion; it's not a stage name. It is ironic and cruel. I fail at everything. Even my World of Warcraft avatar has a gimp."
Talon Saucerman: "I like drinking because you get to learn stuff. Like just the other night I learned that pissing off an overpass does not lower your blood-alcohol level. The officer also suggested I exit the car next time."
Charles C. Pang: "I like that show Gangland on the History Channel. You guys ever seen that show? I caught this episode the other day about the Asian Boys. I was like, what is this, a tutoring company?"
Rick Desimone: "Look, I'm not a douchebag, but I do douchebaggy stuff. Like I named my pecs. This one's metaphor and this one's simile, because this one is a man-boob, whereas this one is only like a man-boob. It doesn't lactate like the other one."Heather Snow: "I think if you're swimming with a killer whale and you get killed, that shouldn't be called a freak accident. A freak accident is like when you're taking a shower and you get hit by a train."
Dan Orley: "So I was doing a show down in Pueblo, and I decided to stop by their dirt-pit where they keep the shoeless Mexican kids -- down there, they call it the drive-in movie theater. Seriously, though, the last time I saw that many kids playing in the dirt while their parents sat in the car and got high, it was the Manson Family Ranch."
Roger Norquist: "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a homeless man? I don't know, but I saw a homeless lady on the LightRail today trying to find out."
D. Kelley: "You guys might not guess from my sculpted physique, but I have a hard time getting laid. I had this one woman tell me, 'I can't have sex because I just like you too much.' I was like, man, I better get a refund."
Chris Charpentier: "Do you guys find it annoying when people give themselves their own nicknames? What about when they refer to themselves in the third person. Well daddy does both."Elliot Woosley: "I got stoned and went grocery shopping -- it took me six hours. I was in the store for an hour and a half before I realized I was in Hobby Lobby. I did find some shit to make a pipe, though, so it wasn't a total waste of time."
Ben Roy: "You want to know who's going to survive the apocalypse? Homeless people -- the cockroaches of humanity. The guy who's pushing ninety pounds of shit around in a shopping cart on a 90-degree day on 140-degree pavement wearing a coat, eating a half-can of rancid cat food. You guys, I get gassy at Applebee's. I'm not going to last five days eating out of a dumpster."
Nora Lynch: "I've been diagnosed manic depressive, and they've put me on a lot of stuff for it. First they treated it with lithium, but it had so many side-effects -- I started losing hair, I gained weight. I went to my doctor and I said, you know, I'm not a psychiatrist, but I'm guessing if I'm fat and bald, I'm not going to be too fucking happy about it."
Funny Final Four continues next week Wednesday, February 8, at 8 p.m., and the competition continues into March. Tickets are $12. As for Team Champion's chances of taking this thing all the way, Champion said after the show, "I think everybody won tonight. And by everybody, I mean me."
