Time flies, doesn't it? It seems like every year, Halloween is once again upon us with more ways to dress up as a slutty animal, profession or mythical creature than ever. Slutty minotaur? Why not? Slutty zombie? Somebody's got you covered. But as cutting-edge as slutty things can be, there are those who are not content just to be slutty, those who push harder, who go for the referential joke -- indeed, those brave souls who venture for costume-fodder into the realm of current events. Which can be hilarious, no doubt, but can also go -- as anyone who remembers the year of "dick in a box" can attest -- horribly awry. For your sake, dear reader, we're asking you to stay far away from any of these.
5. Ironic hipster costume Hey, you know what would totally be, like, ironic? Like, if we dressed up as hipsters for Halloween. Like, how ironic would that be? Not ironic at all, because if you thought of a costume that might be ironic, you are a hipster. And dressing up as yourself is stupid.
4. Mad Men as shitty suit Look at the picture above. See those suits? You can't afford them. You can't even afford a yard of the cloth those suits are cut from. Sure, you can go to the thrift store, buy an ill-fitted suit and an old-looking tie from the wrong era, throw a little grease in your hair and call yourself Don Draper, but you know what you'll really be? A guy in a shitty suit and a bad tie. And nobody likes that guy.
3. Any character from Twilight Because, like, vampires, right? Wrong. Dead wrong. Again, let's take a look at the picture above. What we can notice from that picture is that, while we know from the context that at least some of these people represent vampires, if we subtract that context, how can we tell them apart? We can't. Are you going to throw on a gray T-shirt and a set of cheap vampire teeth and call it good? If so, my friend, you are a lazy slob, and your costume sucks. Also, Twilight sucks.
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2. Any cast member of The Jersey Shore Because it's cold, and nobody wants to see that much of you.
1. Lady Gaga meat dress OMG, how original are you? At least as original as the 40 other girls and one adventurous fat guy in the room wearing the exact same bizarre polyurethane approximation of meat-clothing. What about a nice, slutty cat?