The historic photos of Golden in Focus, explained

Golden in Focus kicks off this weekend, showcasing a wide variety of photos from Golden's illustrious history -- and man, was it ever illustrious. We've got a preview of five of these pictures after the break, with helpful captions to explain exactly what's going on, the historical context and other very serious things.
Back in ye olden tymes, football players were a hell of a lot tougher, even at the School of Mines. Of course, being a new sport, the actual game was often confusing to spectators. This gentlemen's wife didn't understand why the game was so concerned about finding quarters, once asking him, "why is everyone so intent on getting the quarter back?" [Editor's note: We apologize for this joke]
The Golden History Museum seems to think this is a staged photo, but we did a little research and got the real hot scoop: These are aliens. That's right, despite what Scientology tells us, this is the first time aliens attempted to land on Earth, but they were captured by a photographer's soul-sucking machine (camera) and now live inside this photo. Now that the photo is digitized, they're running around the Internet, causing chaos and leaving inappropriate comments on news blogs. Creepy, we know.
Trains were once used to travel from one area to another in an efficient manner. However, certain trains were capable of hypersonic quad-dimensional shuffling, as is evidenced by the blurry boy in this picture. Most of these trains ended up shuffling into alternate universes, never to be seen again.
If you look closely at the man's hip, you'll notice his gun appears to be missing, leading us to believe this was a shot set up by a mining company to depict miners as handsome, well-meaning young men. This man, an aspiring actor, wanted nothing to do with it until the photographer took his gun and pointed it at him, forcing him to pose.
This may appear to be a casual picture of a beautiful Golden street, but NASA has just confirmed that the car in the photo is the first appearance of the race known as Autobots on American soil. These Autobots would go on to found the School of Mines, while their arch-nemesis, the Decepticons, would found the Massachusetts School of Technology.
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Thorin Klosowski
Contact: Thorin Klosowski