Film and TV

The Lion of Judah is this week's most ridiculous trailer

After years of mind-boggling advances in the realm of CG animation courtesy of Pixar and, uh, everybody copying Pixar, it's pretty impressive to see something as visually crappy as The Lion of Judah, an animated allegory for the Christ story from Rocky Mountain Pictures, which, thank God, is not based in Denver. It's clearly a low-budget venture for a pretty specific demographic (evangelicals?), and normally we would just ignore that kind of thing in favor of making fun of bigger-budget releases from major studios that should know better -- but the summer releases have yet to really kick into gear except for X-Men: First Class and that honestly looks fucking awesome. Plus this movie somehow has Ernest Borgnine in it. What the hell is Ernest Borgnine doing here?

Because, I mean, this is a man who has won Academy Awards and been in like three movies a year since around 1951, to the extent that he was awarded the Screen Actors' Guild's Lifetime Achievement Award. Seriously, what is this guy doing in a movie that looks like World of Warcraft fucked My Little Pony? Are you out of money, dude? For real: We will lend you some.

Also, does the lamb character look vaguely like the retarded Matt Damon doll from Team America to anyone else?

On the other hand, maybe this film doesn't completely lack any redeeming value; after all, in this age of sin, it's understandable that kids might have a little ADD about following the Christ story -- all that crown of thorns and hand-washing is kind of challenging, like one of those weird indie flicks where half the shots are of some ginger wading into the sea and then all of a sudden somebody is holding a tiny gun and it's in black and white and you don't understand why. What you need is something relatable, like -- say! -- an awkwardly dancing chicken! And some other furry critters who say funny catch-phrases like "Unleash that freaky thang!"

It's so crazy it just might work, but for kids who weren't paying attention to the Bible version of this story, it is going to have one fucking depressing ending.

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Jef Otte
Contact: Jef Otte