In a recent interview with Mike Ryan of The Huffington Post, Simon Pegg said "f*ck you!" to a bunch of Las Vegas Star Trek convention fans who ranked Star Trek: Into Darkness as the worst Trek movie ever. Pegg, who plays Scotty in the franchise reboots and clearly disagreed that the newest Trek movie was the worst, told Ryan: "It absolutely isn't the worst Star Trek movie. It's asinine, you know? It's ridiculous. And frustrating. To be subject to that level of sort of, like, crass f---ing ire, I just say f--- you."
Pegg didn't mention which Trek films were the worst (way to stay mostly classy, Simon), but we have no problem picking up right where he left off. Here are the three worst Star Trek films -- and Star Trek: Into Darkness didn't even come close to making this list.
3. Star Trek: Insurrection
Star Trek: The Next Generation produced some magical things, like Commander Riker's lush facial hair, Captain Picard's ready room, Data learning to cuss, and everything about Worf. Unfortunately, the side effect of all this gold was the leftover slops spilled out in Star Trek: Insurrection. It seemed like this Trek flick was trying to be light-hearted, but it ended up disjointed and bizarre, with freaky, plastic surgery-addicted aliens trying to boot a hippie commune species off a planet, Data losing his positronic mind and being brought back by Picard singing show tunes, and something about Counselor Troi's boobs that was never properly followed up. The script was as weak as Romulun ale is strong. This film clearly demonstrated that for any viewer, Trekkie or not, the franchise was losing warp power.
And Riker shaved off his beard in this film, which may have been seriously bad juju.
2. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier This fifth installation of the Star Trek movie franchise began with Kirk, Bones and Spock on a camping trip to Yosemite National Park, singing songs around a campfire. The movie ended with the trio back at the campsite, resuming their vacay, but everything else in between was a big, steaming pile of alien crap. The Enterprise was ordered to rescue hostages on Nimbus III; Spock's disturbed (and disturbing) half-brother Sybok had manufactured the sitch to get the ship to take him to the mythical planet Sha Ka Ree so he could meet god. Really gooched-up hijinks ensued, with mind-melding and Klingons being Klingon-y and f*cking shit up. The only vaguely interesting thing was Uhura's now-famed erotic fan dance, which is still pretty hot even though Nichelle Nichols was kicking sixty at the time (grandma Nichelle had some Tina Turner legs). And William Shatner wrote, directed and starred in this piece of shat!
The production and editing is choppy and sloppy, the plot is holier than the pope's ass, and everyone who thoughtStar Trek IV had the worst dialogue ("double-dumbass on YOU!") got some new mouth-puke when they heard lines like "Excuse me... Excuse me... I just wanted to ask a question. What does god need with a starship?" I'll do you all a favor by spoiling the end so you won't watch it if you haven't already: They did not find god, and please trust me when I say that god had nothing to do with this film.
In fact, it could be argued that every god abandoned the entire Trek franchise -- at least until 1996, when First Contact came out in theaters.
1. Star Trek: Nemesis
And just when Star Trek fans thought the franchise couldn't get sucked into a bigger, badder wormhole of awful, along came the tenth Trek film and worst Next Gen movie, Star Trek: Nemesis. The cast was tired and the jokes more tired as we were all treated to the wedding of Riker and Troi that really should have happened a decade earlier. Watching a middle-aged, overweight Riker try to take down a weird, emo Picard-clone half his age was the opposite of sexy, and Data technically died in this movie, which was a pretty unmistakable metaphor for the whole TNG franchise.
Nemesis marked the end of an era for Star Trek, but the beginning of the rebooted Trek films with Captain J.J. Abrams at the helm. The 2009 Star Trek, followed by 2013's Star Trek: Into Darkness, have given Trek a facelift -- albeit with more action and more shiny ship gadgets and gizmos, and less emphasis on character development. That's something Abrams is known for, and something that crusty, cynical, old-timey Trekkies are having a difficult time adjusting to. Still, it could be worse. Much worse.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!