Top ten alternate uses for Tupperware, according to Dixie Longate

Dixie Longate has come to Denver to ply her Tupper-wares (har) at the Garner Galleria Theatre. The show opened last week and will be here through early January, so there's still plenty of time to go and reevaluate your tupperware needs. I went on Friday. Truly, it was ridiculous -- my jaw is still sore from laughing so hard. But, in case that's not enough to convince you, here's a list of Dixie's top 10 proposed uses for Tupperware from the show. They are left intentionally vague, because seriously, go see this thing.

10. Sobriety Test No shortage of opportunities to test this one out in the Longate household.

9. Jello Shot Caddy Like we were saying...

8. Oral STD Preventative It's still booze related, don't you worry.

7. Small Child Bludgeon Because sometimes they can be like leeches.

6. Squirrel Marinade Assistant Makes 'em nice and juicy. Can't even taste the burned rubber.

5. Sex Toy Of course.

4. Can Opener Funniest part of the show, at least on the night we went.

3. Vodka Fruit Infuser So much added convenience.

2. Whiskey Sippy Cup See: numbers 10,9,8,3

1. Motivational Tool Not all fun and plastic games. Go be somebody.

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Kiernan Maletsky is Westword's music editor. His writing has appeared in alt-weeklies around the country as well as Miley Cyrus's mom's Twitter feed.
Contact: Kiernan Maletsky