Breeality Bites

What did you just say to me?: How to deal with adults with poor social skills

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It's not that I think I'm the best bass player in the world. But I don't get on a stage and claim to be anything that I'm not. I play music because I like to, not because I see it as a competition between me and some guy in a backpack with a big nose. I don't play music on a stage to prove anything. I play music because I can, and I want to, and I will, whether anyone is watching or not.

But really, what adult says that to another adult? As a person with a vagina who also happens to play an instrument, I am very much used to comments from dudes along the lines of "You guys are pretty good for being girls" or "Before I saw you play, I thought you were going to be way worse than you were." At worst, a man will have some sort of "tip" or "trick" to share with me about "how to play bass better" -- because, obviously, women are bad at a lot of stuff.

In those situations, the inherent sexism and profound rudeness is thinly veiled -- or the person barfing the words simply doesn't seem to know any better. When confronted with such passive-aggressive commentary on my playing, I'm usually quick to respond with, "Hey, since you want to show me how to play my bass, if you pull your dick out of your pants, I can show you how to give yourself a better hand job" or "I'm sorry, I didn't catch that piece of advice you gave me. Can you say it again louder so every single person in this venue can hear you?"

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Bree Davies is a multimedia journalist, artist advocate and community organizer born and raised in Denver. Rooted in the world of Do-It-Yourself arts and music, Davies co-founded Titwrench experimental music festival, is host of the local music and comedy show Sounds on 29th on CPT12 Colorado Public Television and is creator and host of the civic and social issue-focused podcast, Hello? Denver? Are You Still There? Her work is centered on a passionate advocacy for all ages, accessible, inclusive, non-commercial and autonomous DIY art spaces and music venues in Denver.
Contact: Bree Davies