In terms of reasons to justify what some negative Nancies would call your "excessive drinking" but you would call your "spirit of festivity," February has been a pretty lean month, leaving you with little to toast to but the bitter disenchantment of a life mostly squandered -- not that it's in any way your fault. But take heart, because the winter is almost over, and March brings the best reason to remain in a constant state of blotto since you found a beer helmet in the alley behind the titty-bar.
First, though, take an opportunity to rest up and prepare today by celebrating Public Sleeping Day, your lack of options for places not in public to sleep since they found your "nest" in the long-term storage facility notwithstanding. On the other hand, it'll give you an excellent reason to tell the cop who keeps telling you to move it along when you sleep in the dry fountain what's what.
But that's just a precursor to the real attraction, which starts Tuesday: March is the congressionally designated Irish American Heritage Month -- and what's more Irish than unchecked binge drinking? Shilelaugh, lad, ye'll be droonker than a fiddler's bitch! You can't, of course, be certain that your heritage is actually Irish since all the documents pertaining to your birth were lost when the shack-town you were raised in tragically got caught in a really strong wind, but you're pretty sure you are, because it's either that or a congenital birth defect you can attribute your skin color to, plus your favorite UFC fighter of all time is Jake fuckin' O'Brien.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Just for the record, it's also National Craft Month, National Frozen Food Month, National Nutrition Month (those last to seem kind of mutually exclusive, don't they?), National Peanut Month, National Women's History Month (best-case scenario, they stayed in the kitchen the whole time, amiright?), Red Cross Month, Social Workers Month and Poetry Month. And you know you've got that last one covered, because by the time you finish that fifth of Kilbeggan, you're bloody gonna be spouting lyrical ballads over there.