Today marks the start of Red Ribbon Week, which is the oldest and largest drug prevention campaign with a week dedicated to it in the country -- Red Ribbon campaign organizers suggest you celebrate the week by living a drug-free life and... actually, forget it. That's boring.

If you're looking for something with some substance, something you can binge to, then look no further than today, which is Pablo Picasso's birthday -- and what better way to celebrate than to get so plowed everything looks cubist? Nothing like the beer goggles to move both eyes onto one side of the head.

On Thursday, observe, if you will, the 124th anniversary of the dedication of the Statue of Liberty, which, interestingly, was originally called "Liberty Enlightening the World." Then celebrate by doing all the things Americans do to enlighten the world, like buying a lot of stuff and talking too loud. And, of course, putting ridiculous shit on the Internet. Speaking of which, Friday is the 41st anniversary of the first Internet transmission in 1969, which ushered in a new era in celebrity gossip and the distribution of pornography.

The weekend, though, belongs to Halloween, with the real thing coming on Sunday. But did you know that October 31 is also National Magic Day? If you didn't, forget we said anything. Some holidays are just too minor to care about.