So you want to stick it to the Man? What better place than the lawn between Denver's formidable City Hall and its gilded State Capitol? The best time to score is in the middle of the afternoon: Foot traffic is relatively heavy, and all you'll need is maybe $15 for an eighth of an ounce of pot. The quality's not the best, but it beats being sober when you go back to your data-entry job after lunch, loser. The sellers are friendly, too. They'll smoke with you if you like, and they always approach with a toothy grin and a cheerful voice. If you're cool, they might even hook you up with someone who can score you something stronger. We've got your war on drugs right here, buddy.
You don't have to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered to attend the Ray of Light Narcotics Anonymous group at 7 p.m. on Wednesdays and Saturdays at the Gay and Lesbian Services Center; all of those gals in the busload from the treatment center certainly aren't, nor is that biker guy. The important thing is that they all feel welcome -- something that isn't always the case at the other NA meetings around town. And while this new meeting has grown so much over the last few months that it might eventually have to leave the cozy confines of the GLS center, there's something uniquely inspiring about that confluence of festive gay decorations and the promise of recovery from drug addiction: Somewhere over that rainbow, dreams really do come true.

Ivonne and Bob Rosnik gave up their real-estate business in May, but over the past fifteen years, the statuesque Swiss matron and her soft-spoken lawyer husband helped more than 150 gay and lesbian couples and individuals buy into the American dream. "For us it was just natural, business-wise, to be involved with the gay community, because we have so many contacts in the gay community," says Ivonne. The Rosniks have four grown children, two of whom are gay; as soon as their eldest son came out in 1982, they joined Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays -- Ivonne running the hotline and coordinating the speakers' bureau. Business was so good, in fact, that they acquired clients only by referral. "One led to another, and that's how we built up a very solid business," she says. "There are a lot of gay and lesbian realtors, but what was unusual was that I was a mom, so I was involved as a parent working with gay couples."

Ivonne's favorite story involves two men. "They were delightful people. They wanted a property in the mountains where they could have non-traditional animals -- a llama and maybe a goat, which most zoning doesn't allow -- and they wanted land around it. We finally found a place in their price range on the other side of Bailey Mountain. That's a long way from Denver. I set up the showing, and when they saw the house and the sixteen acres, they said, 'This is our place!' I went to the door and it says 'The Joneses.' I rang the bell and this lady appeared, in her late fifties, and right behind her was another lady about the same age. This was a lesbian couple, and we found out there were about ten other lesbian and gay couples in that same area."

It's too late for the Rosniks to help you buy a house, but you can still benefit from their expertise: They're now selling Pre-Paid Legal Services ("It covers domestic partnership and is available for nonmarried heterosexuals and also gay and lesbian couples," Ivonne notes). But then, even if Bob and Ivonne were selling free condoms, we'd buy some.

Still stuffing that condom into the dark crevices of your crammed wallet until the latex sheath decays? Make it a problem of the past by shopping at the Planned Parenthood gift shop, which boasts a slick storage method for your rubber buddy: The Crazy Condom Keyper, a key chain with an opening for the condom. Keypers cost $2.40 and come with spurts of sexual wisdom from such characters as a cartoon condom with a jazzy smile and sunglasses that reads "You've got to put me on," and a cow wearing red rubber boots that advises you to "wear your rubbers." For $1.50 more, you can also get matchbook-style condoms with a story about Dick and Jane. "See Dick with an erection. See Dick with no protection. See Dick with an infection." Everyone will be very impressed -- and, hey, you might even get lucky.

Weddings are hell to plan -- so much work for a mere lifetime of bliss. But the invitation you send out is a symbol of what you want yours to be like, so pick the perfect one -- right down to the flourishes on the typeface -- with the help of someone who knows what she's doing. Deborah Bodian has been selling invitations out of her home for several years, but she recently opened Paper Talk, a little shop decorated with gauzy swags, wired ribbon and fresh flowers. She also sells party goods, photo albums, metallic gel pens and unusual cards. It's a nice place to get away from the hustle and bustle of brides and grooms all trampling their way toward the altar, and it will help you get over having to invite your spouse-to-be's crazy cousins.

Best place to get a haircut after you get tattooed, pierced

Urban Renewal

Once you have your new body art properly in place, make sure you get back to Urban Renewal. Three hair stylists cut and snip the snazziest 'dos for hipsters of all ages. A women's cut goes for $30, a men's is $20, and every customer receives a "stress-relieving scalp massage." Mmmmmm. Scalp massage. Try to arrive too early, though, because you never know what you'll find yourself doing in the interim.
According to Don Rose, "The reason people sweat is so they don't catch fire when they make love." Now, who could find something more romantic than Don's great explanation for perspiration? Rose's poetic wisdom is just one factor that helps www.milehighheartbeat.com reach the pinnacle of romance. Deborah Wiig, a Web zine publisher and freelance editor, launched the site on Valentine's Day this year to offer resources for Colorado couples in search of relationship and romance tips. It offers a local guide for everything from entertainment to articles on such issues as divorce-proofing your marriage. The "Great Dates" section suggests creative ways to spend time with one another, like taking a walking tour of Denver or staying at home and baking cookies. The "It's About Love" section allows visitors to download romantic screen savers and magnetic poetry. There are book reviews, relationship quizzes, an advice column and romantic Colorado getaways. Everything you need for romance in the Rockies. Now there are no more excuses for a dull relationship.

Tired of sticking your foot in the door time and time again without getting anything but a sore foot? Let your fingers do the crashing: After you search www.denvergov.org for city job openings, you can apply right then and there and maintain an online resumé that you can update as needed. Simply click on the "citizens" icon for employment information, and take it from there. Happy hunting.

Anyone who relies on the bus to get around knows how important it is to be able to fine-tune your journeys, especially when you're trying out different routes. Now you can find out if your bus is running late, by clicking on "routes and schedules" at RTD's nifty informational Web site. If your bus is delayed by over five minutes, it'll be noted, and you can plan accordingly. RTD boasts that it's one of first transit agencies in the nation to provide such a service. Whether your bus itself is on time is another matter.

You could walk the planet five times over just looking for a pair of comfortable shoes. You could, but you don't have to: Dardano's, a family-run business that's been cobbling around town for sixty years, now hawks some of the comfiest footwear around -- such as Birkenstock, ECCO and Josef Seibel -- out in cyberspace. The site also gives sound orthopedic advice about foot ailments, as well as the skinny on how to care for your favorite shoes. So log on -- and take a load off your feet.

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