Best unexpected performance by a city administrator

Veggo Larsen

When Tea Party founders Chuck Bonniwell and Mike Dunafon wanted their man in Glendale, they brought in Veggo Larsen, a financial planner from Manhattan, to run the town -- and do their bidding. But it turned out that Larsen was his own man who ignored the Tea Party's agenda in favor of pushing for the people. As a result, Bonniwell and Dunafon tried to dump Larsen along with former Tea Party faithful who'd turned against them. But so far, good government is winning in Glendale, and when the Tea Party's latest recall efforts failed, Larsen sent a sympathy note to Bonniwell. "He dedicated so much of his life," says Larsen, "and toiled endlessly to destroy the reputations and lives of people who lived and worked in Glendale, and it's gone largely without rewards. Having been the close and dear friend I was for so many years, I just figured some acknowledgement was appropriate."

Best new city for the Tea Party to take over

Highlands Ranch

The Tea Party's over in Glendale, and so far, its attempts to deal a winning hand in Central City have failed. Maybe the time has come to throw in the cards and move on to a town that could truly benefit from the Tea Party's colorful antics: Highlands Ranch.

Best new city for the Tea Party to take over

Highlands Ranch

The Tea Party's over in Glendale, and so far, its attempts to deal a winning hand in Central City have failed. Maybe the time has come to throw in the cards and move on to a town that could truly benefit from the Tea Party's colorful antics: Highlands Ranch.

The new city of Lone Tree, tucked beside Park Meadows, is tiny -- but it displays big humor in its newsletter, Timberlines, which recently included a photo essay suggesting that the town's hideous -- and empty -- Club Disney building be replaced by something a little grander -- say, the Taj Mahal. Even Lone Tree's motto provides a few chuckles: "The city that's growing...carefully." Unless, of course, the good people of Lone Tree approve that whopping annexation they'll be considering this summer.
The new city of Lone Tree, tucked beside Park Meadows, is tiny -- but it displays big humor in its newsletter, Timberlines, which recently included a photo essay suggesting that the town's hideous -- and empty -- Club Disney building be replaced by something a little grander -- say, the Taj Mahal. Even Lone Tree's motto provides a few chuckles: "The city that's growing...carefully." Unless, of course, the good people of Lone Tree approve that whopping annexation they'll be considering this summer.
Need we say more?

Need we say more?

Those queers at the Gay and Lesbian Community Center don't wipe with just any toilet paper. No, they use sheets from The Homophobe Book, otherwise known as "a roll call of political stinkers." Printed on this exclusive tissue are drawings of Phyllis Schlafly, Pat Buchanan, Jesse Helms and Sam Nunn, along with shitty quotes from those well-known anti-gay crusaders. (Schlafly: "Distributing condoms in public schools is 'teaching safe sodomy.'" Buchanan: "Gays have waged war on nature...AIDS is nature's retribution on gays." Helms: "Homosexuals are trying to force their way into undeserved respectability." Nunn: "My gays in the military policy?...We don't ask and they don't tell...keep on hiding.") A case of the paper was donated to the center about a year ago by a local entrepreneur who had originally tried to market it at the 1993 gay and lesbian March on Washington; he was apparently less than flush with success, and the leftover boxes sat in a Denver garage for the next few years before they were discovered and distributed to local gay organizations. "We proudly use it every day," says Mike Smith, the service center's executive director. "It makes going to the toilet a politically correct experience." You might say it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Kiss my ass." The tissue does get lots of comments, Smith says, though some of them are kind of crappy: "It's not the softest toilet paper. We get complaints about quality -- but it's for a good cause, so people use it."

Those queers at the Gay and Lesbian Community Center don't wipe with just any toilet paper. No, they use sheets from The Homophobe Book, otherwise known as "a roll call of political stinkers." Printed on this exclusive tissue are drawings of Phyllis Schlafly, Pat Buchanan, Jesse Helms and Sam Nunn, along with shitty quotes from those well-known anti-gay crusaders. (Schlafly: "Distributing condoms in public schools is 'teaching safe sodomy.'" Buchanan: "Gays have waged war on nature...AIDS is nature's retribution on gays." Helms: "Homosexuals are trying to force their way into undeserved respectability." Nunn: "My gays in the military policy?...We don't ask and they don't tell...keep on hiding.") A case of the paper was donated to the center about a year ago by a local entrepreneur who had originally tried to market it at the 1993 gay and lesbian March on Washington; he was apparently less than flush with success, and the leftover boxes sat in a Denver garage for the next few years before they were discovered and distributed to local gay organizations. "We proudly use it every day," says Mike Smith, the service center's executive director. "It makes going to the toilet a politically correct experience." You might say it gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Kiss my ass." The tissue does get lots of comments, Smith says, though some of them are kind of crappy: "It's not the softest toilet paper. We get complaints about quality -- but it's for a good cause, so people use it."

No, it's not nice, and, yes, you can get arrested, but covering the houses in the Denver Country Club/Polo Grounds neighborhoods with toilet paper in post-midnight raids is an age-old tradition in Denver. And for good reason: There are lots of places to hide behind well-trimmed bushes and stone entry gates, there are no major streets with long sight lines for roving eyes, and the professional landscaping, branchy old trees and grand homes afford many excellent ledges that a well-thrown roll of toilet paper can easily latch on to. Best of all, there's no reason to feel sorry for the very wealthy people who live here after you've TP'd their manors; they'll just have their staffs remove the offending paper products in the morning.

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