Best Congressional Haiku -- Retiring 2002 | Bob Schaffer | Best of Denver® | Best Restaurants, Bars, Clubs, Music and Stores in Denver | Westword
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Best Congressional Haiku -- Retiring

Bob Schaffer

Republican Bob Schaffer, whose third -- and final -- term representing the 4th Congressional District ends this year, is going out with a bang. His haiku on www.yourcongress.com:

Rocky Mountain Highs

Might be outlawed by this guy

Good thing Denver's dead

Best Secret Message on a Congressman's Stationery

AMDG

Oooh, that sneaky Bob Schaffer: If he weren't keeping his initial campaign promise and getting out after his third term in the U.S. House of Representatives, we just might have to spank him. Ever since he was elected back in 1996, Schaffer, a conservative (and then some), has been sneaking the letters "AMDG" onto his official congressional stationery -- and even some of the pages of his Web site. Separating the church from the state, the initials stand for "ad majorem Dei glorium," which translates to "for the greater glory of God."

Best Secret Message on a Congressman's Stationery

AMDG

Oooh, that sneaky Bob Schaffer: If he weren't keeping his initial campaign promise and getting out after his third term in the U.S. House of Representatives, we just might have to spank him. Ever since he was elected back in 1996, Schaffer, a conservative (and then some), has been sneaking the letters "AMDG" onto his official congressional stationery -- and even some of the pages of his Web site. Separating the church from the state, the initials stand for "ad majorem Dei glorium," which translates to "for the greater glory of God."

Best Appearance by a Cat at the Colorado Legislature

Westy

The fur was flying when the still-recovering Westy, a cat set on fire and thrown to the side of the highway by two ne'er-do-wells last year, showed up at the State Capitol to testify for Senator Deanna Hanna's SB 48, which would make cruelty to animals a more serious criminal offense. As if to illustrate the severity of the crime, Westy was more testy than a gun lobbyist whose proposal had just been shot down -- screeching at strangers and spitting at a seeing-eye dog stationed under one chair. Meow.

Best Appearance by a Cat at the Colorado Legislature

Westy

The fur was flying when the still-recovering Westy, a cat set on fire and thrown to the side of the highway by two ne'er-do-wells last year, showed up at the State Capitol to testify for Senator Deanna Hanna's SB 48, which would make cruelty to animals a more serious criminal offense. As if to illustrate the severity of the crime, Westy was more testy than a gun lobbyist whose proposal had just been shot down -- screeching at strangers and spitting at a seeing-eye dog stationed under one chair. Meow.

Best Appearance by a Minister at the Colorado Legislature

Reverend David Meek

Invited to offer a prayer before the state Senate, Reverend David Meek, pastor at the Assembly of God Glad Tidings Church in Greeley, offended almost everyone when he asked the one Christian God to help make the Pledge of Allegiance mandatory in public schools, to help convince lawmakers to make abortion illegal and to help guide male senators to watch over the "precious ladies" who somehow had been elected to public office.

Best Appearance by a Minister at the Colorado Legislature

Reverend David Meek

Invited to offer a prayer before the state Senate, Reverend David Meek, pastor at the Assembly of God Glad Tidings Church in Greeley, offended almost everyone when he asked the one Christian God to help make the Pledge of Allegiance mandatory in public schools, to help convince lawmakers to make abortion illegal and to help guide male senators to watch over the "precious ladies" who somehow had been elected to public office.

Best Appearance by a Minister Stalking Miss America

Reverend David Meek

There she was, Miss America, visiting the Colorado Legislature for her cancer-awareness campaign. Reverend David Meek was back at the State Capitol on a mission from God -- to hand out a letter apologizing to any lawmakers he'd offended the week before, "Christian Greetings, Precious Lady Senators" -- when he heard that Katie Harmon, the former Miss Oregon, was in the building, and decided he'd like to have his picture taken with a really precious lady. But Miss America's handlers spirited her out of the Capitol before Meek could get too close. There she goes...

Best Appearance by a Minister Stalking Miss America

Reverend David Meek

There she was, Miss America, visiting the Colorado Legislature for her cancer-awareness campaign. Reverend David Meek was back at the State Capitol on a mission from God -- to hand out a letter apologizing to any lawmakers he'd offended the week before, "Christian Greetings, Precious Lady Senators" -- when he heard that Katie Harmon, the former Miss Oregon, was in the building, and decided he'd like to have his picture taken with a really precious lady. But Miss America's handlers spirited her out of the Capitol before Meek could get too close. There she goes...

Best Political Wife

Joan Allard

The wife of Colorado's junior Republican senator, Wayne Allard, is her husband's greatest asset. She accompanies him to every one of the town meetings he holds each year in every one of Colorado's 64 counties, getting a feel for the serious issues even as she chats casually with constituents. And not only can Joan Allard save her husband's bacon, but she can fry it up in a pan: After Nebraska senator Ben Nelson, the loser in a CU-Nebraska-game bet, delivered a box of steaks to Senator Allard's office, Joan prepared "Colorado Peppered Nebraska Steak" -- a recipe she cooked up for the occasion -- for her husband's staff.

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