Don’t start talking cereal with a stoner unless you want to go down an annoying rabbit hole as you discuss the differences between Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Golden Grahams. We may seem laid-back, but when it comes to cereal, we have opinions — and nothing tops the Cap’n.
You know something’s great when you disregard the pain it brings, and I’ll take the razor-like cuts on the roof of my mouth every morning if it means I also get a bowl of Cap’n Crunch — any kind. I’ve even had Cap’n Crunch beers, thanks to Black Bottle Brewery’s Cerealiously line of stouts, as well as a Cap’n Crunchberries Slurpee at 7-Eleven. Both were delicious, and, yes, I was fried when I tried them. So when I saw a jar of frosty buds labeled “Crunch Berry” during a recent pot-shop visit, my mouth started salivating like Homer Simpson’s at the sight of doughnuts.
Crunch Berry has several origin stories, with dispensaries in Colorado, Arizona and the northwest all claiming different (but secret) lineages and slightly different names. You can find strains under the name of “Berry Crunch,” “Crunch Berry Kush” and “Crunch Berry” at various dispensaries, but they’re all hybrids that lean slightly indica, have mystery genetics (there are rumors of an OG influence) and carry a fruity, doughy flavor similar to that of Granola Funk or Smurfette.
Any toker who enjoys a relaxing high without total couch lock should give Crunch Berry a try. The effects aren’t overwhelming unless overdone, but the strain still calms my upset stomach, muscle pains and light bouts of anxiety. Crunch Berry might be too good at igniting the appetite, honestly, because I ran through my pantry like a hungry swine after every session and still wanted more. If you have no self-control or gluttonous tendencies, beware.
You can find Crunch Berry under similar names around the metro area, with Altitude the Dispensary, Bonfire Cannabis Co., Euflora, Fresh Baked, Oasis Cannabis Superstores and Trenchtown carrying it in either flower or concentrate form. I’ve enjoyed many bowls of Crunch Berry from Altitude, Trenchtown and Fresh Baked, a Boulder dispensary. All of them carry a sweet flavor and calming yet functional high, part of any pothead’s well-balanced breakfast.
Looks: Oh, the trichomes. More like a frosting than a sprinkling, Crunch Berry’s resin glands look like a creamy sugar coating, making those pink and violet spots seem all the more scrumptious. The strain’s primary color is forest green, though, with moderately dense, football-shaped buds, which add to the OG lineage claim when considering its flavor and effects.
Smell: Like a less fruity cut of Cherry Pie or Grape Pie, Crunch Berry carries lip-smacking aromas of berries and sweet syrup, with an OG-like earthiness that plays sidekick to the strain’s fruity profile.
Flavor: Rich, fruity notes of berries with a strong, grainy kick of soil hit you up front, but another wave of sugary sweetness comes back for the aftertaste. Any fan of Cookies or Pie strains would thoroughly enjoy Crunch Berry.
Effects: Dispensaries will usually have this on the indica-leaning side of the shelf, but my experiences have been more even-keeled. The amiable high works well for social situations while still relaxing the body — so maybe toke up with Crunch Berry before going out for dinner, but not a hike. Medical benefits include treating eating disorders, anxiety, stress, headaches, glaucoma and minor pain.
Commercial grower’s take: “I really like growing Crunch Berry for medical patients. The high seems to just zap my anxiety, but I can still move around and function. I’ve also heard rave reviews about its ability to fight pain and nausea. It’s hard to find something that effective at both mental and physical ailments without being 25 percent THC. Love the strain’s flavor and smell in the grow, too. But if you want to get those flavors right, it’ll take at least nine weeks to flower, and you want to cure it right, too.”
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