Ask a Stoner: Narc-ing Apartment Neighbors

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Dear Stoner: My apartment neighbor doesn't like the smell of all that dank I'm smoking during quarantine and has threatened to turn me in to our landlord for smoking in my apartment, as he works from home. What should I do?
Outed

Dear Outed: Start sucking up to your neighbor or find the bodies underneath his floorboards, because it sounds like you got got, son. If you think he's susceptible to bribes, then pay the snitch tax and get it over with. A bottle of booze or surprise pizza delivery can go a long way for most non-squares, but anyone with the stones to threaten you over the smell of weed is most likely a square, so it may be time to revert back to the days of living with your parents.

click to enlarge

Flickr/Joe Howell

I can see why smoking outside isn't exactly an option right now, but there's always your car if you're not driving anywhere. And if you don't have a car, there has to be some window or balcony far enough away from your neighbor where you can blow out one hit at a time through a toilet-paper roll with a dryer sheet wrapped around it. Keep in mind that weed vapor dissipates much faster than smoke does, and edibles last for hours at a time without smelling up the hallway. Godspeed.

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