Right...so just a few minutes ago, I received a phone call from someone who shall remain nameless, along with an e-mail, the sender of which will also stay anonymous (for now) telling a tale about how he (or she), along with four more rascals, swiped Euclid Hall's pig mascot right from under the staff's snouts during EatDenver's The Big Eat, which took place yesterday afternoon in the parking lot of Union Station.
Not only did the brazen swindles make off with the pig (that which stands blindfolded in the above snap); now they're holding it for ransom -- and their demands include drunken debauchery, pigging out, and, if we can read between the lines, rubber duckies.
Listen up We haVe your piG. We will nOt harm said pig if our demands arE met with Haste Our demAnds are as foLLows Five orders of bone marrOw Five draMs of fine whiSkey five sponge bAths from JoReL. You have until sunday May twenty ninth at five pm.
That's right: The bandits are holding the hog hostage, all because they want five orders of bone marrow; five drams of fine whiskey; and five sponge baths from Jorel Pierce, the executive chef of Euclid Hall.
The heisters intend to show up to at 5 p.m. on Sunday, and if Pierce and company don't have the whiskey and bone marrow propped on a table, then the pig will remain in the possession of the thieves. If, on the other hand, their orders are met, the swine will be returned, unharmed.
As for the sponge baths...this we gotta see.