Pickings tend to run pretty slim in January, as far as holidays go -- in fact, our extensive research of googling a couple of things revealed exactly zero legit, nationally sanctioned holidays this week. Maybe what with Christmas and New Year's and Hanukkah and Kwanzaa and everything else, people are just kind of sick of celebrating.
But to those people we say: You are dead inside, sir! For are we not men? Are we not wild, fabulous men? Men who enjoy feasting, and whose relatives keep telling us we have a drinking problem, but they just don't understand us? Indeed. Luckily for us, there are plenty of completely made-up holidays to tide us over until Martin Luther King day.
Note that every holiday listed below has no basis for being a holiday beyond that somebody out there christened it so -- these are just the ones we could find some reference to on the internets. But if none of these suit you, feel free to just make up your own -- like "Stay at Home and Drink Vodka out of a Camel Pack while Watching Animal Planet Day," which is pretty much your day anyway -- and your holiday is no less valid than the ones these people made up. What, they think they're better than you or something?
Monday: Peculiar people day
Tuesday: International "Thank You" day Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day National Clean off your Desk Day
Wednesday: Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day National Pharmacist Day
Thursday: Make Your Dream Come True Day International Skeptics Day (some disagreement on actual celebration day) Rubber Duckie Day
Friday: Ratification Day Dress up Your Pet Day
Saturday: National Hat Day International Fetish Day (you dressed up your pet yesterday, so pick a different one)
Sunday: National Nothing Day
Yeah, we know, National Nothing Day sounds like kind of a rip-off, but look on the bright side: After National Hat Day, you're probably going to need it.