By our informal count, there are about forty explosions in the two-minute trailer for Battle: Los Angles -- which breaks down to about one explosion every three seconds. That number gets even more impressive when you take into account that the explosions don't even really get started until about one minute in -- you know, there's some time for setup and shots of Aaron Eckhart's lantern-jawed dreaminess -- so by the time they do, you are literally just bombarded by near-constant explosions in the second half. Good thing you only have to endure it for about a minute -- the movie looks downright unbearable.
Really, the last time we saw explosions that gratuitous was in 1996, when Will Smith showed the universe inIndependence Day
that America's raging boner was made out of nuclear fucking bombs, and that it would not hesitate to penetrate the suspiciously vaginal mothership of some goddamn space aliens. But whereIndependence Day
was basically a buddy-cop flick co-starring Jeff Goldblum more or less as Jeff Goldblum,Battle: Los Angles
has a little grit to it, a little breathless realism -- it's like theSaving Private Ryan
of movies about aliens with a shitload of explosions in them. And that is exactly whereBattle: Los Angeles
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: It just has more.
Because here in America, folks, you don't win a war without blowing up a shitload of stuff. And if you don't end up winning the war? Well, at least you blew up a shitload of stuff.