Beyond the Bedroom will host Coming Out Kinky -- A Grown Up Comedy at Shine tomorrow night. Jean Franzblau's comedy is about a woman's path of sexual exploration; she plays twenty characters in the show. Beyond the Bedroom Executive Director Daka Dan describes the actress/playwright as "not a 'full-time' kinkster who has only relatively recently been on this path." As a result, "she has great insights for those on their initial steps into this truly wondrous world."
Kink can truly be another world for newbies -- a world full of new experiences, new challenges and, hopefully, new paddles, floggers and nipple clamps. In advance of the show, we're offering five tips for coming out kinky: Welcome to the jungle, and forget almost everything you learned in Fifty Shades of Grey.
5. Read, study and research--and keep doing it.
As with any other new hobby or interest, it's important to learn as much as possible about kink going into it -- and it's best to educate yourself before involving cash, equipment and other human beings in your kinky ambitions. Kink, like a lot of other fun-as-fuck interests, can involve some risk-taking -- physical, emotional or social -- and part of keeping yourself safe and happy being a kinkster is making sure you are aware of what you are getting into, and being as informed as possible about what turns you on, and what turns you off.
4. Talk, talk, talk -- and then talk some more.
Communication is vital to kink. It's crucial to make sure you are properly articulating what you want, what you don't want, where your boundaries are, and what you are doing. Being self-aware of what your kinky desires are can be difficult when first exploring them -- "Do I really like being cuffed to bedposts?" "Do I want to be led on a leash around my living room?" -- but even more difficult for first-timers is being able to safely and properly express things to kinky partners who are taking the journey with you.
3. Understanding public versus private, setting and respecting boundaries.
One of the beautiful things about being kinky is that you can be involved in various public kink communities, or you can keep your kink private -- you get to choose. You get to write your own ticket, so to speak, but at the same time you also have a responsibility to make sure you understand the lay of the land. With public or semi-public kink-friendly spaces there are rules, guidelines and boundaries. Kinky partners and prospective kink partners also get to set their own boundaries, which is a lot about keeping each other safe, and assuring that everyone is having a good time.
For more tips on coming out kinky, read on.
2. Keep your new kink safe, sane, consensual and risk-aware at all times.
The very best take-away from any kink guide is this: Be safe, be reasonably sane, be aware of any potential risks involved with what you are participating in, and remember that informed consent is the be-all-and-end-all. Safety is paramount. While sanity is subjective, if something feels just plain wrong -- then stop doing it. Consent is one of the cornerstones of kink, so seek out active, verbal consent from partners at all times. Being risk-aware means that you understand that certain activities are going to carry the possibility of pain, discomfort (body or mind) or accidents, and prepare accordingly.
1. Be prepared for some excitement, and some blowback.
When asked for the biggest challenges to being open about kink, Daka Dan had a good answer: "Facing the judgment from family and friends about it. Our culture teaches us that vanilla monogamy is the only acceptable form of connecting with a partner, but most have fantasies about extending our love making into some simple forms of kink. Unfortunately, if someone comes out as kinky they become a pariah in the vanilla world or at least that is what they believe. It is amazing how many people are really open to light kink."
Letting your freak flag fly can be a huge rush, especially if you have been thinking about exploring kink and have found that, yes, there are others like you, and it's perfectly okay to want to get naked and eat Skittles from a doggie bowl, get whupped with a flogger or dress up like a Jedi and unleash your force. But it's helpful to prep yourself for potential negatively from people who aren't into kink or just don't understand it. Gaining acceptance for your kinkiness must come from within you first, and knowing that it's just effin fine to be who you are will go a long way to you -- and the people around you -- accepting your wild side.
Coming Out Kinky starts at 7 p.m. Friday, August 22; tickets are $20, or $25 the day of. For more information, call 303-449-0120.
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