The Biennial of the Americas is a month-long event that gives global visionaries a forum to explain themselves to local residents.
To give Coloradans a chance to explain themselves and their actions to this captive audience of world visitors, Biennial organizers should hold a concurrent event called the Mile Hi-ennial...
The Biennial of the Americas' Roundtable Special Event, "The Summit of Former Heads of State," features ex-presidents discussing the social actions needed to keep their nations from going to pot. At the Mile-Hi-Ennial Roundtable Special Event, a summit of former "Heads of State" smoke-shop employees would discuss the social actions needed to ensure that Denver continues to go to pot.
Next page: "Misery Makes Money."
Denver's Biennial of the Americas presents "Awakening the Dreamer: Social Justice at Humanity's Crossroads." The event uses multimedia experiences to motivate healthy spirits. At the Mile Hi-Ennial, Colorado's millionaire beer moguls would resent "Stupefying the drinker: Misery Makes Money," an event that uses the beer pong experience to motivate political spirits.
Next page: DIA's horse goes crazy.
Participants at the Biennial of the Americas' "What Can Aesthetics Do?" panel will discuss the power of public art to attract business investment. At the Mile Hi-Ennial, a conspiracy theorist would explore how the installation of the (blue) Crazy Horse sculpture has turned Denver International Airport into the "Unruly Passenger Emergency Landing Capital of America."
Next page: Have your pie and eat it, too.
At the Biennial of the Americas, new-energy windbags present "Redefining Global Impacts and Creating Jobs Through Sustainable, Low-Carbon Rhetoric." At the Mile Hi-Ennial "Pie-In-The-Sky-And-Eat-It-Too" symposium, the hottest new Denverpreneurs would brag about how they make piles of cash by combining fatty snacks, gas-guzzling delivery trucks and the latest trend-of-the-moment phone app.
Next page: The effects of altitude on brain power.
Biennial of the Americas offers "Perspectives of the Caribbean Creative on Living and Working in Paradise." The Mile Hi-Ennial would offer "Perspectives on the Colorado Creative and the Effects of Altitude Increase on the Measure of Their Brain Power."
Next page: Everybody into the pool!
At the Biennial of the Americas, multi-culturalist Alejandra Calderon presents "Cultural Affirmation" and discusses how at-risk youth can be reconnected to their national and spiritual identities through Raza-based action projects. At the Mile Hi-Ennial, presentations would be banned so kids could be reconnected to their July identities through summer-based outdoor pool and ice cream cone projects.
Next page: A few words from a camper-kidnapper.
At Denver's Biennial of the Americas, the "Social Change Campaign" presents a panel of prestigious social entrepreneurs who explain how they use business principles to make change happen. At the Mile Hi-Ennial, Nederland camper-kidnapper Joseph Scott Carter would explain how he uses rope-tying principles to make high-country hikers listen to his stories.