Although Matt Taibbi typically writes about politics for Rolling Stone, he's lately added sports to his list of topics. And in the December 24 issue, in a column not yet online, he tackles former Broncos quarterback Jay Cutler, memorably describing him as a "sniveling NFL superdouche."
Granted, Cutler isn't the sole focus of the piece, which muses on the bad luck experienced by the Chicago Bears, his current club, when trying to find a star quarterback. But Taibbi takes some memorable shots at Sweet Baby Jay along the way. Here are some excerpts:
Here's the opening portion of Taibbi's lead paragraph:
The surprising train-wreck season of sniveling NFL superdouche Jay Cutler proves it beyond any doubt: The Chicago Bears quarterbacking job is the most cursed position in sports, the Bermuda Triangle of lineup slots. The ignominy of the Bears quarterback legacy stretches to the horizon, across multiple stadiums, managerial regimes, offensive lines and receiver corps, in good times and bad. They've had guys suck after being good somewhere else (Cutler), had guys suck and then go on to be good somewhere else (Jim Harbaugh, Doug Flutie), had guys suck at the beginning of their careers (Rex Grossman), the middle (Eric Kramer) and the end (Chris Chandler).
After further discussing the curse, Taibbi returns to Cutler, "the greatest prospect of the lot, a young star with maybe the best arm since Elway," who "turned out to be the most spooked of all of them." Through eleven weeks, Taibbi notes that Cutler's 74.4 passer rating placed him "below even megabusts Jason Campbell and Alex Smith," not to mention former Bear Kyle Orton, who's experienced a "career resurgence" in Denver.
Then there's this:
Now when the once-cocky Cutler walks onto the field, he looks like a man reaching for the doorknob to the motel room he's just discovered his wife has rented with Dennis Rodman. At times this year, Cutler seemed almost relieved when the inevitable game-ending interception had finally been thrown.
Broncos fans shouldn't gloat about that. Well, maybe a little.