Dear Mexican: Why Do Mexican Men Have Such Thick Hair?

Dear Mexican: Why do Mexican men have thicker hair than Caucasian men? Is it because it runs in the genes? (I am only asking about hair on the head, not body hair.)
Frankie

Dear Gabacho: It’s always about the genes for Mexicans, whether it’s our love for tortillas and tamales (indigenous ancestors), our beer (Germans) or frizzy hair (the negritos in the family tree that no one ever acknowledges, even though your brother was born with a Jheri curl that made Lionel Richie’s mane look like a high-and-tight). The same applies to male pattern baldness. Scientific consensus that Native Americans are the least-affected ethnic group when it comes to being pelones is so prevalent that you can find it in multiple medical dictionaries. The Mexican couldn’t find any study focusing on Mexicans, but don’t forget that a bunch of us have sangre india in our veins. As for those of us who are getting calvos? As a sweatshirt that my mami used to wear before she realized what it meant stated: I don’t have a bald spot: It’s a solar panel for a sex machine!

Dear Mexican: I’m from a long bloodline of Hispanics who came to this continent in the 1600s. Having researched my roots, I discovered that the Spaniards are of Germanic roots, and the migration to the Americas and interbreeding soon created the mestizo with other bloodlines and heritages. The term used to describe Hispanics was, for centuries, “white,” and there was no such race as brown. In all of the documents that our forefathers filled out, the lists of races included white, red, black, yellow or red. There was never an option for “brown.”
Then the question of nationality came, listed as Anglo, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, Mexican-American, African-American, Oriental, Pacific Islander or other. This is where my soapbox becomes a podium. Mexicans are white. You hear on the polls on TV that the whites voted this way and the Hispanics voted that way. I cannot stand to hear that the people at a particular school were 20 percent white and 60 percent Hispanic! They are all the same people! Hispanics are white! There is the bigger issue that I touched on earlier — that Anglos and Hispanics are in the same race. It’s their nationality that makes them two separate entities. Thank you for listening.
Manito Manuel

Dear Wab: Repeat after me: Brown is beautiful. Brown is beautiful. Brown is beautiful. Now, go repeat that to all your Hispano friends in New Mexico who insist that their ancestors never got it on with a mestizo, and tell them que se vayan a la chingada with their claims of pure bloodlines.