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The Irish Hound

One last night to howl.

By Patrick Osborn
Jun 28, 2007

Everybody has a really good first bar story. Often it's a tale about a group celebrating somebody's 21st birthday by seeing just how close people can get to death and still be fine the next morning. Sometimes it's a saga about using a bad fake ID to sneak into the...
The Blue Walleye

Getting hooked on canned beer.

By Patrick Osborn
Jun 21, 2007

If you ask a real fisherman, he'll tell you that walleye is one of the best eating fish. It's not a particularly pretty fish, but it's the reason that God made beer, beer batter and Shore Lunch. I've never been deep-sea fishing, but fighting a fish while you're strapped into...
Hapa Sushi Grill and Sake Bar

A sushi roll or a roll in the hay?

By Patrick Osborn
May 17, 2007

Relations between men and women have many unresolved issues. There's constant bitching about the quantity and quality of sex. Also, no couple on earth can agree on a reasonable definition of "clean." Guys know something is "clean" if they've sprayed a liquid on it, then wiped it up with a...
Sushi Tazu

The stymie of liquor and fish.

By Patrick Osborn
May 3, 2007

I don't know if it's the wasabi, the gallons of alcohol consumed or simply the social act of gathering over raw fish, but something about our sushi runs makes the Institute of Drinking Studies wax poetic. We should videotape the proceedings so that we can later review them and figure...
Lansdowne Arms Bistro and Bar

Ethical drinking.

By Patrick Osborn
Apr 26, 2007

This week's lesson is ethics, which are very important if human society is to progress. Without ethics, you end up with such horrors as insider trading, Enron, the United Nations and Ralph Nacchio. Luckily, most people are ethical; the problem is that ethical behavior is often in the eye of...
Rock Bottom

Nursing a beer.

By Patrick Osborn
Feb 8, 2007

We are proud to announce the arrival of the newest member of the Institute of Drinking Studies: Nathaniel Arthur Osborn. In true Osborn fashion, he is extraordinary in his own way, with his current claim to fame being that he was technically premature yet large for gestational age at seven...
Ling & Louie’s

Denver, on ice.

By Patrick Osborn
Feb 1, 2007

Although last week's melt helped, the overall number of traffic lanes in Denver is down about half from what it was in the summer. Many of the lanes carved out by cars/trucks are now fortified by ice, and driving outside the icy ruts is like taking a train off its...
BJ’s Restaurant & Brewhouse

A sure sign of a good time.

By Patrick Osborn
Jan 18, 2007

Generally speaking, members of the Institute of Drinking Studies do not espouse shallow thinking and judgment based on superficial qualities. But like all guys, we give the benefit of the doubt to women with large bosoms and/or risqué wardrobes. We also will side with our home team no matter who...
World Famous Milo’s

Beer: It’s what’s for breakfast.

By Patrick Osborn
Jan 4, 2007

In our continuing effort to make the world more amenable to the foibles of drinkers, the Institute of Drinking Studies is preparing a proposal for the National Institute of Health that's certain to get us a large discretionary grant, since health care today is all about prevention: prevention of heart...
Caldonia’s

Beauty’s only skin deep.

By Patrick Osborn
Dec 7, 2006

I would like to present the latest Institute of Drinking Studies breakthrough in applied physics: the Bathroom Theory of Relativity. You're engrossed in a discussion -- say, about what to name your friend's impending child -- and finally must sprint to the bathroom because you've held and held so that...
Brooklyn’s at the Pepsi Center

A tutorial in concert etiquette, courtesy the Who.

By Patrick Osborn
Nov 30, 2006

According to the Guy Code, it is not socially acceptable for two guys to split a burger or any other food item when out in a group. This rule is well defined; the only people allowed to share are girls, couples and men who are inclined to split a "salad."...
Hangar Bar

Hurry, before gentrification issues a last call for Colfax.

By Patrick Osborn
Nov 23, 2006

Sometimes you just need to get out -- as I did after being cut off on Colorado Boulevard by one of those punk kids who thinks it's cool to push his seat back so far that he can't even see over the steering wheel. And not just get out, but...
Lucile's

A real eye-opener.

By Patrick Osborn
Nov 16, 2006

I've never been a huge fan of New Orleans, not even now that it's the socially progressive thing to be. And while I've been intrigued by stories of Mardi Gras, including an account from an old girlfriend who swore that as she left her hotel lobby one Fat Tuesday, she...
Piatti Locali

Time to take a shower.

By Patrick Osborn
Nov 9, 2006

The Institute of Drinking Studies would like to announce the latest social breakthrough: the adult baby shower. This novel concept progresses far beyond the "Jack and Jill" shower you may have heard of, which is just a ploy to get guys to help in the planning of such estrogen-intensive activity...
Buffalo Rose

A tragic shortage of hops.

By Patrick Osborn
Oct 26, 2006

With the election less than two weeks away, gas prices are mysteriously plummeting -- with no real change in the factors that were blamed for driving them up several months ago. In fact, things are looking worse, what with that maniac in Korea making nukes so that he can take...
Lime XS

Give blood, drink margs.

By Patrick Osborn
Oct 19, 2006

There's nothing like drinking when you're already at a disadvantage. We recently hit Lime XS (730 East Sixth Avenue), the new, smaller iteration of Lime in Larimer Square, and after her first margarita, the saintly wife of the Redneck Liaison to the Institute of Drinking Studies remembered that she'd donated...
Hillcrest Grill

Rogue agents at work.

By Patrick Osborn
Oct 12, 2006

We've all had those days when we just really want -- and borderline physically need -- a beer. This doesn't necessarily mean that it's been a bad day -- although the beer-wanting feeling is very common after a day when your co-workers and/or boss make you want to stick a...
Maggiano’s Little Italy

Love thy neighbor

By Patrick Osborn
Sep 7, 2006

The next round of Nobel Peace Prizes may finally be money for the Institute of Drinking Studies. Nearly every Saturday and Sunday morning, we find ourselves wishing to hasten the end of the world -- which obviously is nigh, if you read those Left Behind novels or live in northern...
Wahoo’s Fish Taco

High-octane margs fuel enlightenment.

By Patrick Osborn
Jul 27, 2006

The Food and Drug Administration should start requiring warning labels, or at least ingredient lists, on all margaritas. This would undoubtedly decrease work days lost, liver-transplant rates for those of us not lucky enough to be upstanding Americans like David Crosby or Larry Hagman, and the volume of next-day bleating...
The Thin Man

Science and mixology.

By Patrick Osborn
Jul 6, 2006

Those of you at the Thin Man (2015 East 17th Avenue) two Fridays ago had no idea you were witnessing a momentous emergency session of the Institute of Drinking Studies. The scene harked back to Cold War Europe, where plans and plots were made in back hallways -- which is...
The Tavern Lowry

The biggest bar tab in Institute history.

By Patrick Osborn
Jun 29, 2006

I am happy to announce that a new bar, The Tavern Lowry (7401 East First Avenue), has broken the record for the largest-ever Institute of Drinking Studies bar tab -- and this despite the conspicuous absence of a few members. The Tavern had been open only a few days when...
Bivans

A wedding toast.

By Patrick Osborn
Jun 15, 2006

When I booked our wedding festivities in Beaver Creek, I had thought it was the setting for one of the greatest movies of all time, Dumb and Dumber. The morning of our departure, I tore open the Netflix envelope holding said movie, popped it in the DVD player and fast-forwarded...