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Hail Satan Debuts Cooking Show With White Supremacist Ribs Recipe

After snatching up a white supremacist from a porta-potty, the members of Hail Satan chop, cook and eat his ribs in the first installment of I Will Eat You With Hail Satan,.
Courtesy Hail Satan
After snatching up a white supremacist from a porta-potty, the members of Hail Satan chop, cook and eat his ribs in the first installment of I Will Eat You With Hail Satan,.
The recipe for Hail Satan’s latest culinary tutorial is simple, but shopping for the ingredients might take a little ingenuity. And possibly a hatchet or two.

The Denver thrash-metal band has launched a cooking show of sorts, I Will Eat You With Hail Satan, on Groovey.TV (a channel on the American Horrors Channel streaming service), and the first delicacy on the menu is white supremacist ribs.

“We had talked numerous times about putting together a cooking show,” says Jake Fairly, the band’s lead singer. “Ultimately, with where we're at right now, [it’s] Natural Born Killers meets fucking Martha Stewart, basically.”

Fairly says the band was inspired by the smash-cuts and frenetic style of The Eric Andre Show, which they’d been binge-watching prior to making the first video. Hail Satan got a little bogged down in the details of planning the first episode of the cooking show, and before they knew it, Fairly says, the deadline was upon them.

“When it came time to do it, it was like, ‘Okay, this thing’s got to be done in a week from today. And then we got drunk a bunch of times and we talked about it, and it happened,” he says. “It's funny how last-minute it really came together.”

The original concept was conceived as a music video for Hail Satan’s song “I Will Eat You” — the “you” being a caricature of a repugnant far-right archetype.

“The song itself, lyrically, is about murdering male-rights-activist characters,” says Fairly. “So the premise of the music video is us finding some white supremacists, taking them to a basement, chopping their bodies apart and then cooking and eating them. The cooking show is in many ways an extension of the music video.”

The format for the cooking show is relatively loose, according to drummer Spencer Lee. Beyond the concept, he says, writing for a show in which cannibals take revenge on nasty people is difficult and probably pointless.
“I don't know if you could script that — cook food, be crazy,” says Lee.

Now, obviously, the entire concept — a cooking show for social-justice vigilante cannibals who like metal — is a joke. No one with half a brain would take it seriously. But there is a cathartic element to the fantasy.
“I think tongue-in-cheek is perfect,” says Lee, “from the name of the band to the style of music video and the cooking show. Lyrically it's a fun [and] funny song to listen to, but the message is there, for sure.”

After releasing the first cooking show, the band began hunting for new recipes — and new victims.

“We have a corrupt land developer, we have a corrupt Wall Street CEO, we're going to have a vegan episode called Kale Seitan,” says Lee. 

With the music video and cooking show, Hail Satan’s career arc is definitely looking up. But things haven’t always been so sunny. During high school, Bryce Lewis, the guitarist for an early iteration of the band, was killed in a freak accident. Following the tragedy, Lee and Fairly were at a loss, searching in vain for a replacement.

“Spencer and I spent ten years looking for the right fucking guitar player. Going around trying to find a specific type of person for a decade … is what it is. It was a search. And then we finally found Bruce.”

Bruce Gasiorowski is the consummate metal guitarist. His addition to the band, they say, inexorably shifted Hail Satan’s trajectory, but more importantly it gave Fairly and Lee hope that their decade-long dream for the band could finally take shape.

“Once he got into the fold, we kind of knew it right away, like, 'Okay dude, we're still in our twenties, we found the guitar player we're looking for,’” says Fairly. “‘Let's try to make this fucking happen.’”

The overarching theme with the freshly minted Hail Satan lineup was as simple as it was ridiculous.

“We started writing songs that were, while still having teeth, a song that will transform into a werewolf and rip your fucking face off, but you still could get laid while listening to this music,” says Fairly. “So ‘party thrash’ is kind of a way to say it, but we made up our own term for it because it's heavy metal, and subgenres are subgenres, and we call it ‘rad metal.’”

The band, he says, realized almost immediately that the TV show fit perfectly with their semi-serious vision of what metal ought to be: part serious message, part absurd caricature, and a whole lot of fun.

“With the TV show, more or less subconsciously, when we ended up with the finished product, we were like, 'Hey, this is a thing that's on brand.' So having everything centralized around some crazy guys who are drinking and pumping their fists in the air, rock-and-rollin' is basically a mission statement to the whole thing,” says Fairly. “So, yes, being silly is a big part of who we are as a metal band.”

Watch I Will Eat You With Hail Satan at