¡Ask A Mexican!
Dear Mexican: Representative Chris Cannon of Utah, also known as Mr. Amnesty, one of La Raza's heroes, was trounced in the Utah primary by a relative unknown who is from the Tom Tancredo school of immigration reform. Poll data shows that Cannon's immigration stance was a major factor in his defeat. I'm hoping this is a sign that we apathetic gringos are finally connecting the dots about what's happening to our country as a result of our de facto unrestricted immigration policy. What's your take?
Dear Gabacho: Keep hoping. Railing against Mexicans might win local races, but it's simply not an issue that translates into a platform for national electoral victory. If it was, Tancredo would've become the Republican candidate for president rather than John McCain, his sworn enemy; instead, Tancredo sits somewhere in Colorado, drowning his tears in green chile over his hypocritical endorsement of McCain. The problem for your side of the political aisle is that you've never been able to lay out a cogent argument against illegal immigration that doesn't inevitably turn into a Know Nothing screed against culture. Again: Look at Tancredo, also known as Mr. Deportation, who's now leaving Congress with little to show for his nine years on Capitol Hill other than having his name become a synonym for pendejo.
Dear Mexican: I'm half-Catalán, and the women on my mom's side have spent most of their lives being hated by Mexicans. I had the same Mexican friends since kindergarten, I grew up in a mostly Mexican neighborhood, and I spoke their language, but it didn't matter: My mom, her six sisters, most of my cousins and I have all been called "coconut" or some other mean thing because of our background. It wasn't only our fellow students; none of us could take a Spanish class without a teacher telling us that we were completely wrong. But no males in my family ever experienced this. Can you please tell me why Mexican women hate Spanish women?
Dear Ethpañola: Spanish-bashing is a sport practiced mostly by the Bush administration desde cuando the country left his Coalition of the Willing; Mexicans got over hating their ancestors a while ago, after the gabachos came into play. Since you don't provide details about slurs lobbed your way (the coconut or vendido — sellout — jab is one thrown by insecure Mexicans at their better-off peers, and the Spanish-language bit probably owes more to your people's way of speaking español, which you gotta admit is kinda fey), I can only deduce that the women in your family are either envy-producing ladies or bitches. I don't mean to belittle your pain, but to insist that your problems have everything to do with ethnicity and nothing with general traits found in humanity seems pretty ignorant.