Music News

Alternate Soundtrack to the 2008 Campaign

This has been a groundbreaking and altogether interesting election process, but the music, as per usual, is bland – do presidential candidates listen to music? Do we really want to elect someone without knowing their tastes? You could all win my vote if you switched some things up.

Barrack Obama

“Would Be Killer” by Gnarls Barkley: Poor old Barrack, he’s trying to change the world, make things better, but just can’t seal the deal. He can’t take Clinton down. Well Barrack, you were a “Would be Killer,” but now you’re just as on the fence as everyone else.

“You Know I’m No Good” by Ghostface Killah:I believe the line, “You need to just walk away like Kelly Clarkson,” sums this one up nicely. Or maybe, “You had to be a nasty girl and you tried to play me… I knew you was trouble when I first laid eyes on you… I had to roll up my sleeves and hunt you down.” You ever notice how Obama always has his sleeves rolled up? Yeah.

Hillary Clinton

“The Clapping Song” by Shirley Ellis: If you haven’t noticed Hillary’s penchant to clap in a very, very strange way, then you haven’t been paying attention. She appears to clap to some oddly slow tempo based in her head – almost as though she’s trying to clap to the time of “Bridge Over Troubled Water.” This Shirley Ellis hit will set her straight, and keep her up tempo too.

“Don’t Give Up” by Peter Gabriel: Hillary was “taught to fight, taught to win, (she) never thought (she) could fail.” Well, Hillary, “Don’t give up, because you have friends,” not in the Democratic party of course, but the working class and soccer mom’s seem to like you.

John McCain

"Howjadoo" by Woody Guthrie: For McCain, Woody Guthrie seems to be a good fit, this ambling song describing nothing more than a handshake seems to slide nicely into the motif that McCain has set up for himself. As McCain slowly makes his way around the United States, saying “Howjadoo, howjadoo?”

"Old Man" by Neil Young: If there is one section of America that McCain doesn’t understand in any way, shape or form, it’s the plights of the twenty-somethings. This song would allow him to reconnect to youth of America with one of their, whozamawhatzits? Pop-stars, that’s it.

--Thorin Klosowski